


paper hearts (let's see where we wake up tomorrow)

by alexthememesenpai



Category: VIXX
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluffy Ending, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, Jealousy, Kinda, M/M, Secret Relationship, basically they're not idols, bts cameo, hakyeon is a mum, hakyeon is kinda gay, hakyeon seems to be ace, he is not, hongbin is just really done, implied aromantic relationship, implied kenbin, jaehwan is smol, oc is not a mary sue, oc is not welcomed, plot too complicated for a decent summary, sanghyuk is a lil shit, taekwoon is mysterious but also needs a hug, wonshik is angsty and smol, wontaek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-20
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-08-10 00:51:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 30,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7823809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexthememesenpai/pseuds/alexthememesenpai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when love is mutual but not reciprocated?<br/> <br/>“So was it yours or your parents’ call to bang her, huh?”<br/>Taekwoon’s lips crashing into his own lips was not his decision, but to push him hard against the door as soon as they closed behind them was definitely his.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i got one night, let’s wreak havoc

**Author's Note:**

> special thanks to @outrotaehyvng, whose incessant support made this whole thing even happen, and to @toorucool, my patient beta.
> 
> moodboard/cover for this was made by @outrotaehyvng thank you!!! you can find it here http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1166334
> 
> i hope you will enjoy this fic, if you do, make sure to leave kudos and comments.
> 
> i will try to make updates regular, await the next update on wednesday.
> 
> disclaimers:  
> the story is set in korea, but since i have little to no knowledge of the cultural differences, i avoided any detailed descriptions of school or housing or food.  
> mild swearing, but if you get past the smut part with no problem, you definitely won't mind the swearing.  
> almost/mild smut, vague descriptions.  
> homophobic characters, homophobic language censored.  
> a lot of angst, happy ending.  
> alcohol use leading to unfortunate events, romanticized alcohol use.  
> implied aromantic relationship.

 

> _We’ve missed each other, I try turning back the clock  
>  I got one night, let’s wreak havoc_

Hakyeon sometimes wonders how they managed to still be friends over that many years. When he and Taekwoon graduated from high school, his biggest fear was that they won’t have the time to meet up as much as they would like to. He was so happy when he realized how much he underestimated his friends’ determination.

It was decided. They would meet up every summer to spend a week in nature, as they once did the summer before the eldest hyungs graduated. Some called it “relaxation trip”. Some, especially Hongbin and Taekwoon, called it the “survival of the fittest”. After one camping trip they went on, one very cold summer - not to mention the brief episode of Jaehwan being chosen as a _“potential”_ sacrifice in case they were attacked by wild animal - it was decided that a nice two storey cabin is the best option for all of them.

After 5 months of not seeing each other, they met up one late summer Thursday afternoon in their favourite pub. Hakyeon and Wonshik, having the pub closest to their flat, arrived first. Hongbin and Sanghyuk arrived only moments later, complaining about how the buses are basically sweaty greenhouses on wheels. It didn’t take them long to pick up where they left off, and the sky started to turn a sweet shade of orange quickly.

“Where is Jaehwan, anyways?” Hongbin asked after a long silence filled only with his friends’ chewing sounds and distant echo of music. He thought that Jaehwan will take some time to arrive, but not this much.

“He is coming with Taekwoon, he is picking him up from the airport at seven,” Wonshik answered, almost spitting out the fries, being the one who actually kept in touch with Taekwoon, apart from seeing him at the group events.

“From the airport? Woah, I knew he moved, but I didn’t expect that far,” Sanghyuk said, slightly offended that he didn’t know much about his friend’s life.

“Mhm, he had moved closer to the south coast about two weeks after our last year’s vacation. From what I know, his parents found him a better paying job there and he also has it closer to his extended family relatives. He’s not telling me much either so don’t worry about it. You know him,” Hakyeon comforted Sanghyuk, his gaze falling at the sticker on his bottle, suddenly being really interested in the logo pattern.

“Hey, I can’t believe you started eating without me!” a familiar voice echoed from behind Hakyeon and Wonshik. They all turned to the source of the voice, seeing Jaehwan approaching their table. They exchanged waves and “heeyy”s and “ayyy”s and even some very very manly hugs, especially from Hakyeon.

After Hakyeon stopped suffocating his friend, they noticed Taekwoon approaching them, his expression softening and his smile widening with each step. Only after few brief seconds they noticed also a small figure following him.

 _He has a girlfriend?_ A thought immediately crossed everyone’s mind. Wonshik found himself internally screaming, perplexed. He never mentioned that in his texts! Maybe it’s just his relative? Whom he never mentioned? And doesn’t look anything like him at all? And he would have no reason to drag her with him? Most importantly, _hold hands with her!?_

“Hey guys,” Taekwoon greeted them as they all stood up, receiving greetings back and a traditional snake-like suffocating hug from Hakyeon. “This is my girlfriend, Min-ji,” he pointed at the petite girl standing next to him, looking at everyone one by one, his eyes stopping at Wonshik. She was visibly smaller than Taekwoon, but her high heels made her only couple of inches shorter than him. Her hair was short, only slightly brushing her shoulders, bleached and dyed pastel pink, reminding Hongbin one of the bets he lost and had to dye his hair the similar colour.

Wonshik noticed something else, though. In the brief moment he and Taekwoon exchanged their looks, he could suddenly see everything. In that brief moment, Taekwoon let himself to be transparent and readable. And Wonshik suddenly knew why did Min-ji come with him, why he never heard of her and why did Taekwoon move so far from everyone. There was also something in Taekwoon’s eyes that he recognized from long time ago. Regret. Apology. _Fondness?_ And he knew three things for sure. Firstly, Min-ji was a lie. From Taekwoon’s side, at least. Second, it was over for him. He was barely even given that one chance and wasted it. Third? Even though it was selfish of him, he desperately wanted his chance back.

Everybody greeted her as well, trying their best to pretend they aren’t confused. They sat down, bringing additional three chairs for the newcomers. They all quickly discovered how talkative Min-ji is, being the exact opposite to her boyfriend who most of the time sat in silence, looking at her with the most sincere look of fondness.

“Our Taekwoon is too shy to talk about you, he thinks he wouldn’t able to stop if he started,” Hakyeon patted his friend’s shoulder with a wide smile, “so tell us Min-ji, what are you studying?” Everybody at the table, including Taekwoon, were surprised by how clever that little lie was. Although Hakyeon was the only one who actually knew about Min-ji, he knew that no one else does and wanted to prevent a potentially awkward situation.

“Ah, I’m not studying anymore,” Min-ji giggled, her voice surprisingly lower than it is commonly associated with girls who look like they just stepped off the catwalk.

“Then take it as a compliment,” Hakyeon replied, obviously having that prepared.

“Thank you,” she giggled, “I’m actually an actress. Though I’m also often hired as an extra or a model, so my schedule is really busy.” Everybody at the table gasped in awe, the only actor they know personally being Jaehwan, and apart from few offers Hongbin and Hakyeon got, no one was a model either. “Also that is the reason why Woonie probably didn’t announce that I’m going here today. And… if he allows me, I will maybe go check on you in that cabin of yours, right honey?” Taekwoon could sense how suddenly everyone grew uncomfortable, but also noticed the way Sanghyuk flinched, apparently because of a strategically aimed kick in his ankle from Hakyeon.

“If he says he will mind, I’m finding you another man, Min-ji!” The mum friend saved them from an awkward situation again, receiving a laugh from the others and a chuckle from an embarrassed Taekwoon.

“Nah, don’t worry guys, I won’t bother you too much, I actually flew here because of few auditions I was recommended to attend and also a photoshoot I’m doing for charity. But if I do visit you, don’t expect me to do the dishes for you, okay?” She laughed, probably realizing that the stay is boys-only.

“Should we get you extra lunch portions then? Me and Hakyeon are going shopping tomorrow, so we could grab few more things,” Jaehwan asked after they were interrupted by the waitress who brought another tray with chicken and fries.

“No, don’t worry about it, really. Even if I came on time for food, I’m on a diet and have to control everything I eat. Taekwoon is so patient with me, he always lets me decide what we are going to eat,” she stroked her boyfriend’s arm, Wonshik slowly getting impatient with how she treated him. He didn’t even have the right to be, Taekwoon was not so fragile that he would break under a slight touch. It was different feeling, he just felt like she wasn’t privileged enough to act like this towards him. “So I will probably just bring my own food, so don’t worry about that.” Another smile. Wonshik felt like boiling inside. He doesn’t have the right to hate her, he reminded himself constantly.

When a generic ringtone echoed from Min-ji’s presumably expensive purse and she excused herself, Wonshik actually felt relieved.

“You never told us you have a girlfriend!” Hongbin was the first to talk and point out what everybody thought.

“Yeah! She is really pretty, hyung!” Sanghyuk added, looking to the door, as if he wanted to catch a glimpse of her behind the door.

“For how long have you been dating!?” Wonshik asked, trying to blend in with others’ enthusiasm.

“Did you kiss already?” laughed Hakyeon, making fun of the other’s seemingly innocent approach towards relationships.

“Do you have a twin that picked her up and she just thought that you’re the same person?” Hongbin said, almost not finishing because of the laughter that quickly built up in his chest.

“If Bean kept the pink hair and grew it out, would you date him?” Jaehwan said in a serious tone, receiving several neck chops from Hongbin, still sensitive to the topic of his pink hair. Taekwoon just stayed silent, hearing out others and quietly laughing.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mention her before, but I really love her and-” Taekwoon didn’t finish because of embarrassment, hiding his face in his palms.

“Awww,” Hakyeon ran his hand over his shoulders to comfort him, “Don’t worry hyung, we will be kind to her.” Taekwoon nodded as a gesture of gratitude, slowly picking himself up.

“So how long have you been dating?” Wonshik asked, being caught off guard by his hyung’s words about love.

“Um…”

“Spit it out, Jung,” Hakyeon scolded him.

Taekwoon only slowly raised his hand, holding up two of his fingers and hiding himself behind them.

“Two… months?” Sanghyuk guessed, but the blushing man only shook his head.

“Weeks?!” Another no.

“Years!?” Jaehwan almost yelped. Taekwoon, his face now in the shade of the hot sauce they got with their chicken, slowly nodded. To be precise, it was only a year and a half, but he counted in even the unsure period of time before they had officially started dating. Fortunately before a riot could have broken out, Min-ji returned to the table.

“Hey, are you teasing my Woonie!” She jokingly scolded them, sitting down with her phone still in her hand.

 _My Woonie_ , words echoed in Wonshik’s head.

“The hyungs pointed out that I once had pink hair and wanted to know if he would date me too,” Hongbin laughed.

“No way! You had pink hair?”

“Yeah, I lost a bet with Hakyeon about about who will get into the ladies locker room at the pool.”

It seemed to Taekwoon that anybody can talk to Min-ji better than him. One of the reasons why he hadn’t introduced her to them was that he didn’t want to scare her away. It was a scary realization for him that he wants to keep her only to himself, despite not really loving her the same way she loved him. However, he was pushing it away for way too long and knew that he would have to introduce them, one way or another.

What bothered him more was Wonshik. From the moment he saw him that evening, he had tried to hold his gaze for little bit longer, a way that he could talk to him without actually using words. Wonshik had on the other hand tried his best to not even glance at him. Even when he passed him a napkin or a plate, he held his gaze glued to the napkin or on someone else. He wanted to apologize for everything, but at the same time, he wanted to tell him that the chapter has ended.

“Anyways guys, I got a call that I’m doing the photo shoot tomorrow early in the morning, so I’m afraid I will have to leave you so I could get some sleep,” Min-ji announced just few minutes after. All the boys groaned, they enjoyed talking to the sweet girl as if she had been their friend since the beginning. They all stood up to say bye, Taekwoon hugging her and kissing her quickly on her lips, deserving a proper “awww” from the boys. One blushing later, they were finally in the original number, ordering some more drinks.

Hongbin and Sanghyuk were the first ones to leave back to their dorm, having to wake up for Friday’s classes. According to Hongbin’s words, “hangover is only cute when I’m not the one having it”.

Real talk, Taekwoon was getting more and more frustrated with every passing minute and drink. The fact that Wonshik recently dyed his hair black, drawing attention to his eyes, was the number two on the list that didn’t help. Number one was his long sleeved white polo shirt with all the top buttons unbuttoned, allowing the collar bones to peek out. More and more often he glanced his friend’s way, only slightly realizing how obvious he is probably getting.

Wonshik, on the other hand, didn’t notice. Now, when he was sitting in the booth right next to Taekwoon, it was easier to pay attention to Jaehwan making walrus impersonations using straws because he could block Taekwoon out from his field view. No, his problem was completely different. A: it was getting harder and harder to not blush when he was spoken to. When Jaehwan and Hakyeon were in middle of a discussion and Taekwoon just happened to need a napkin like his life depended on it, he leaned close to Wonshik, speaking to him in his cappuccino voice, his warm breath caressing the soft skin of his neck, causing his cheeks heat up and his own voice break like a gold leaf. B: was his decision to wear tight jeans - no matter how hard he tried not to, every time he moved even slightly, his left thigh rubbed against the fabric of the other man’s jeans, creating heat and trouble concentrating.

Hakyeon and Jaehwan were reminded to leave when they both got notification on their phones that they want to go shopping for the trip the next day, also remembering other responsibilities they should be preferably not too hungover to attend, leaving the two men alone together.

 

After a brief episode - of Wonshik not even being able to drink properly and spilling all over his jaw, _oh the perfect jawline that could cut paper, well-sculptured neck and getting behind his shirt, probably even dripping down on his abs made from marble_ \- Taekwoon made sure to follow the exact line with his eyes, remembering it for further research - they were asked to leave by the staff of the pub.

Taekwoon’s surprisingly quite sober decision to not interrupt his girlfriend’s sleep and deciding for Wonshik’s and Hakyeon’s couch made the way back much easier. From that moment, Wonshik can recall clearly only one thing he said, when they were entering his flat.

“So was it yours or your parents’ decision to bang her, huh?”

Taekwoon’s lips crashing into his own lips was not his decision, but to push him hard against the door as soon as they closed behind them was definitely his.

Wonshik tasted hot and rough, soju and high school love story and summer and hot sauce of the color of the older man’s cheeks. Taekwoon made sure to follow the exact same line as the drink did earlier with his lips, making sure to mark his territory with soft bites as far as he could get without removing the shirt that fit the younger’s frame so well. Wonshik shivered when he felt cold but firm hands on his back, spinning them both around to push him against the wall. His breathing quickly sped up, their hearts beating with the same eagerness and lust.

“I’ve wanted to do this for so long,” Taekwoon whispered against the pale white skin, his lips desperate for the feeling of Wonshik’s mouth moving against his. Their lips soon weren’t enough and Taekwoon’s tongue quickly dominated.

Taekwoon tasted like hard liquor and regret, mint chewing gum and the first cold breeze on summer night and the sting of salt in the night air on a seaside. Everything was new for Wonshik, but painfully familiar at the same time. His head was spinning as well as his whole universe and he felt like fainting, but also like he was never more awake. He wanted to take everything he missed from him, he wanted to keep the overwhelming scent in his clothes and remember the taste of the his lips like if it was the last thing he will feel in his life. His body moved independently on his thoughts but at the same time it was the only way he wanted to move.

It remained a mystery to both of them how they managed to get into Wonshik’s bedroom without tipping anything over and waking up Hakyeon who was sleeping only few meters away.

Wonshik’s grip on Taekwoon’s hips tightened when he realized how uncomfortably restricting his jeans had become over the night, grinding against the other’s leg and moaning into his mouth. He let his hand slide down Taekwoon’s torso, feeling him shiver under his touch when he slid under the thin fabric of his shirt and ghosted over his abdomen, eventually palming his crotch through the rough fabric of his jeans and feeling accomplished when an aroused moan escaped the usually quiet man’s lips.

Taekwoon felt like a horny teenager, coming into his pants fully clothed on a bed that is too small for two people to fit comfortably in, but at the same time he was too drunk to care. Wonshik had similar situation going on, but the bed suddenly became really comfortable and his body gave up under the weight of the night and _too many_ drinks as they both fell asleep, their limbs tangled in strange patterns.


	2. memory i should forget

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> update! this chapter is not as eventful as the first one, it is more about the feelings and regret and confusion... but enough of spoilers! i hope you will enjoy~~

> _I think of each memory that I should forget_   
>  _Season after season_   
>  _I want you back in my arms_

Taekwoon was the first to wake up, quickly realizing the events that lead to him being where he was. Although he didn’t remember exact scenario, he did know that alcohol and Wonshik played a role in it.

 _Also…_ he touched his bruised lips, not fully realizing whose teeth made them feel like that. _Kissing?_

His head felt like imploding and his general idea of time and his surroundings was covered in a thick haze. He felt a source of warmth from below him, finding himself twisted in uncomfortable position on, under and around Wonshik. He was lying on his right side, face down cuddled on the other man’s chest like a kitten in a ball, basically covering his whole chest with his folded arms. His right leg was slid under Wonshik’s and his left was almost touching the blanket on the other side of the bed. If his skin-tight jeans and firmly tied shoes wouldn’t have been the reason why was his body feeling like being broken in fifteen parts, the position he laid in would definitely be it. For a while, he didn’t even attempt to move, listening to the steady heartbeat echoing in the chest below him. In that very moment, everything was perfect.

When he was getting up, trying his best to not wake up Wonshik - which was never a hard task - he was just praying to the every god he could think of that Hakyeon had already left and won’t have to talk to him. He had an excuse, which was partially true - he didn’t want to wake up Min-ji, or maybe he could also blame it on the hotel not wanting to let him in in such state - but his childhood friend had always read between the lines and although he wouldn’t ask at the spot, he would definitely interrogate him about it later.

He checked his phone for messages, surprisingly only two new ones from Min-ji:

 **_Min-ji <3:_ ** _good morning, sleepyhead :P_ _  
_ **_Min-ji <3:_ ** _i hope the boys didn’t waste you too much, take care ttyl ily <3 _

Taekwoon sighed; his girlfriend was too good for him. Opening the groupchat they as a squad had, he found it flooded with new messages:

 **_Jae Jae:_ ** _hey taekwoon hakyeon wants to know if you’d date bean with pink hair_   
**_The Mum:_ ** _no i don’t you do_   
**_Bean:_ ** _i’m not dyeing my hair pink_   
**_Jae Jae:_ ** _the question is would he tho!!!!!_   
**_The Mum:_ ** _jaehwan get off the phone i still need to walk you home_   
**_Jae Jae:_ ** _no you don’t it’s not even midnight and this bench is comfortable_   
**_Jae Jae:_ ** _please taekwoon answer the question it’s for a research_   
**_Bean:_ ** _no don’t answer i don’t wanna deal with jae being jealous over our love_   
**_Jea Jae:_ ** _taekwoooon_   
**_Bean:_ ** _should i punch you in the face in person or are emojis acceptable too_   
**_Hyukkie:_ ** _bean shut the fuck up i’m trying to sleep_   
**_Hyukkie:_ ** _or at least turn off your notifications_   
**_Hyukkie:_ ** _or find a girl_   
**_Jae Jae:_ ** _or taekwoon_   
**_Bean:_ ** _i gotta go, i suddenly have to move to mexico_ _  
_ **_The Mum:_ ** jae get your ass over here some teenagers just passed by and gave me scary looks

Taekwoon put his phone back in the pocket of the jeans that surprisingly didn’t look any different from outside, despite the last night’s happenings. Before he reached for the door handle, he looked back at peacefully sleeping Wonshik. He took a red blanket he saw lying around on the floor and covered his body with it in one swift motion. Resisting the urge to brush off the black hair covering his sleeping eyes he finally reached for the door, quietly opening it to…

Find Hakyeon walking out of his room as well.

“Taekwoon?” Hakyeon’s expression was hard to read, not just because of how many thoughts he had running through his head at that moment, but also because of the train-like whirr inside his head that painfully enforced itself when he was being spoken to. He flinched in response.

“The hotel staff didn’t let me in so Wonshik let me use the couch,” he managed to respond, “I went to just check on him if he didn’t puke…”

“Okay, go sit down, I will give you something to eat and something for the pain,” Hakyeon patted his back gently, leading him to the small kitchen table. One glance at the biggest couch, where the mail piled up regularly and was now untouched, and the fact Taekwoon was wearing shoes inside made him sure that he was being lied to. “Is Min-ji still at the hotel?”

“I don’t think so,” Taekwoon sat on the tall chair, leaning on the table.

“Great, go text her now. I’m gonna make you something in the meantime.”

“No, I should go, I…”

“Should I text her for you?”

Taekwoon stayed silent, slowly reaching back for his phone.

“Good. So, I’m now going to check on the dance club, the substitute teacher for next week should come at noon, which is in… Two hours! I should hurry up, you know how it is with queues at the post office,” Hakyeon rambled, but the younger had already zoned out, typing an apology to Min-ji.

“I said, do you want to come with us?” Hakyeon repeated his question, putting down a cup of coffee - still remembering how he used to prepare it for him on long study sessions - and a pill in front of Taekwoon.

“Sorry, what?”

“Do you want to go shopping with me and Jae today?” Taekwoon considered his choices, but given the fact Min-ji will probably not come back from the photoshoot very soon, it sounded like a good option.

“Yeah, sure.”

“Okay, Jaehwan will pick you up, just wait for a call or something. Until then, you will stay here, drink a lot of water and eat, understood? You will tell me everything later.”

Taekwoon nodded, only thinking about what did Hakyeon mean by the last sentence when he had already left.

 

Wonshik woke up only moments after Taekwoon left the room. Unlike him though, he wasn’t too sure with what happened. He wasn’t very sure of what had actually happened and what was only a dream, the only clue for him being a blanket that he had never used as a blanket, rather like a pillow on his spinning chair. He sat up on the bed and as soon as his blood pressure stabilized, he changed into the nearest sweatpants lying around. He slowly staggered towards the ajar door, hearing the front door being closed. Hakyeon left, therefore no shirt needed.

It took them both maybe too long to realize that they weren’t alone in the room. At first, Taekwoon wanted to be noticed as soon as possible, avoiding any awkward situation, but being too distracted by how good Wonshik’s bare back looked when he was reaching for his mug in the top cupboard, he figured there is no rush. He laid his head back on the table on the soft space his folded arms created. Only when he heard Wonshik’s chuckle, he realized he had been noticed.

To the both’s relief, they didn’t talk about it. About anything, really.

“I have to finish up some things at job, so… Make yourself at home, I guess. If anything, let me know and… If you decide to leave, just shut the door,” Wonshik said briefly before leaving.

 

×☂×

 

Wonshik knew he still had time, but spending more time with hungover Taekwoon was getting tedious, neither of them having anything to say. So he washed up and dressed, decided to get some extra hours at his job in a Internet media company. It wasn’t anything easy as it might sound like, but the working hours weren’t as strict and he could also work from home.

Thankfully, not many people were at the office that time, so he could stay there for couple of hours without being interrogated by his nosy coworkers, wasting the time with zoning out in front of a blank word document, daydreaming and self-reflecting on his past actions.

First: he knew something had to happen between him and Taekwoon that night. They hadn’t seen each other in a year, texting at least once a week, even if it was just Taekwoon complimenting his work for the webzine or Wonshik complimenting his profile picture. Also, clues such as the fact he slept with his shoes on or that the blanket he never used as blanket had been thrown over him - not by Hakyeon, then - added to his hypothesis.

Second: Despite his resolutions not to, he found himself back in the trap of falling for Taekwoon. It was like a leghold trap he once stepped into, only after some time realizing how it stung him. He didn’t always realize having the hypothetical trap on - he could have go on for days without feeling it - but then he would have seen an old selfie while scrolling through his camera roll and the trap would close around him firmer. And then there would be other days, when he would not even want to go outside, because what if he saw a happy couple - man and woman as it should be, he would have always reminded himself - and thought of his - male - friend? Would he then have to admit he likes him more than as a friend? Or would he just brush it off, telling himself that it’s just how friends are to each other?

Third: If Wonshik had been to assume that Taekwoon made pass at him the previous night and it wasn’t just because of the overwhelming amount of alcohol, he would much rather not even mention it than having to confront the other about it. Taekwoon had had a reason to start going out with Min-ji and messing things up by making a pass at him would most probably hurt all three of them.

_What am I even considering right now?_

He pulled out his phone, opening the gallery. There was a new picture from the evening. To be exact, there were two: one group selfie from before Min-ji left and one picture from after she left, but he highly considered deleting the first one. Upon seeing her face, he couldn’t place his emotions - not that he would have been able to in the past few weeks. He didn’t feel hatred, though. There was something comforting about the fact that Taekwoon will be more or less happy. But he also pitied her, for being just a lie that Taekwoon had been telling himself.

 

×☂×

 

For Taekwoon, it was a weird couple of hours. When his mind recovered enough to perform basic tasks, he decided to take a look at the apartment. The kitchen he was sitting in consisted only of one long counter and a glass-top table on tall legs, being more of a bar-like sitting place than an actual dining table. The rest of the main room was being used as a living room, the most important furniture being a two-seat and a three-seat couch and one bean bag. (Side note: The number of seats was chosen to be enough for their group. The bean bag was bought for one person only. Till this day, Hongbin still hadn’t managed to sell the bean bag.)

After going for a quick shower he called himself a taxi to take him to the hotel - the less direct sunlight he would have to be exposed to the better. He didn’t manage to resist the urge to look into Wonshik’s room again. There was a duffel bag lying open next to the drawers, still being packed. As an opposite to the state his storage space was in, his working space was neatly organized - despite an expensive looking keyboard and a microphone and a lot of other devices that piled up on the table. Wonshik’s music had definitely quite a potential, but he still hadn’t been noticed by any bigger recording label.

On his bedside table, there were two pictures: one of Wonshik’s family and the other of the 6 of them from the last year. He picked it up, looking at it closely. Hongbin had had pink hair back then and Hakyeon was leaning his cheek against it. Jaehwan was winking as usual, his head propped on Sanghyuk’s shoulder, his arms hugging the younger from behind. Wonshik’s hair was bright platinum while Taekwoon’s, who was standing right next to him in the picture, was almost black. Examining the picture, it got to him how distant he became with the group within the past months. He was never extroverted to begin with, but ever since he first moved and the casual hangouts with his friends were reduced to monthly meet ups, he had basically stopped sharing his life with them at all.

 _Except for Hakyeon of course_ , he thought as he got into the taxi. His childhood best friend was always asking him about his life. And given the fact Taekwoon had always told him everything, he had no reason to keep secrets between them. Hakyeon knew about his crush on Wonshik ever since the beginning, and being his over-observative self, he knew about Wonshik’s crush on Taekwoon as well. He didn’t make a big deal out of it - except for when he did after he first found out, squealing like a kid in a sweets shop, _our Taekwoon has a crush!_ \- but knowing that their friends would tease him about it, he decided to keep it a secret. He had always known the real reasons behind Taekwoon’s actions, knowing that a job offer at the south coast was only a bitter cherry on top between other reasons why he started his life again, far from Wonshik and others.

When he got into his hotel room, Min-ji was not there. Already the time for lunch, Taekwoon ordered a room service. He changed into clean clothes and finished packing. Having nothing to do, he opened the messaging app, deciding to do some socializing while eating.

 **_Taek:_ ** _are you still working?_

He typed out a brief message to Min-ji, getting a response quicker than he expected.

 **_Min-ji <3: _ ** _just finished the photoshoot, i’m having lunch with the company~~_   
**_Min-ji <3:_ ** _have you eaten yet?_   
**_Taek:_ ** _good, i’m at the hotel. wonshik and hakyeon left to work_   
**_Min-ji <3:_ ** _ah, so what is the plan then?_   
**_Taek:_ ** _jaehwan and hakyeon are going shopping so i might tag along, depends on when you’re coming back?_   
**_Min-ji <3: _ ** _i’m afraid my schedule won’t let me see you before you leave T.T_   
**_Taek:_ ** _oh no :( will you drop by next week?_   
**_Min-ji <3:_ ** _it’s fine~~ i have free time on sunday so i could get there sunday afternoon and leave monday morning, what do you say?_   
**_Taek:_ ** _that would be perfect, i have such an amazing girlfriend <3 _   
**_Min-ji <3:_ ** _i gotta go back to the table now, ttyl <3 i love you <3 _ _  
_ **_Taek:_ ** i love you too <3

Taekwoon still cringed at those words. After a wild rollercoaster of emotions, it was somehow comforting to be bound back to the earth and realizing the impact of his actions. Despite what could have happened, he was still dating Min-ji and his future had been already decided by his parents’ blackmail. His life had been already sorted out for him and as long as he obeyed, he didn’t have to worry about anything. And to his own surprise, lying like this was actually really easy. It was like if he had had two identities, one his own and one for his parents, and separating them was not hard.

In the haze of the sleepiness that piled up during the lazy day, having barely acknowledging his own thoughts process, he replayed the elusive memory of Wonshik’s lips on his and drifted off to the regret scented unconsciousness he often found comfort in.

 

×☂×

 

One would think that Jaehwan would mature over the years, rather naively though. It would be a huge understatement to say that the ride was silent. The car radio wasn’t exactly silent to begin with, but with Jaehwan’s trained voice Taekwoon was surprised to even hear his own thoughts. He didn’t pay attention to all of the topics discussed between his two friends, though there was one that he remembered.

“I’m telling you, if there was one guy I would go gay for, it would be G-Dragon. There’s no discussion needed about that,” Hakyeon announced when Big Bang came on the radio.

“Are you saying you would say no to pink Bean?” Jaehwan laughed, winking at Taekwoon who just shot him a death glare.

“Hongbinnie doesn’t have that glitter aesthetic, though.”

“That _is_ true, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t at least _try_ pouring glitter on Hongbin.”

“If there’s anyone who will bathe in glitter it will be me, duh.”

“That isn’t a mental image I want to imagine.”

“Would you want to imagine GD in glitter?”

“The thing is I don’t _have to imagine_.” After a brief pause of Jaehwan laughing, Hakyeon silently added, “Okay, I admit that wasn’t the straightest thing I ever said.”

Except for topics that Taekwoon felt like they’re aimed at him, he was actually glad that he has something to keep his mind occupied with. After a whole morning of thinking about… Yes, he needed his mind to take a break. No more thinking about Wonshik today.

In the supermarket, they split in order to get all of the things as soon as possible. Jaehwan will take care of the drinks, Hakyeon the actual food and Taekwoon the snacks.

Hakyeon tried to take care of his part as soon as possible, knowing that he won’t have much time to spend with Taekwoon alone after they take off. He wasn’t stupid; Taekwoon always told him everything and he knew when he was hiding something. Knowing that Taekwoon isn’t exactly skilled when it comes to social interactions and also that he gets really quiet and distant when something is bothering him, and he didn’t want him to be hurting, he needed to talk to him. There was also a big probability that the younger messed up and this time it could cost him two relationships at once.

“Okay, spit it out,” he startled the younger who was deeply concentrated at the problematic of chips flavours.

“What do you mean,” Taekwoon mumbled only loud enough for the other to hear him, still focused on the serious issue.

“You know what I mean.”

Taekwoon looked at him.

“You sleeping in Wonshik’s bed.”

“I didn’t sleep in his b-”

“I’m not the only one who checks on sleeping drunks.”

Taekwoon sighed, looking away.

“So. Spit it out. Before Jaehwan can catch up on us.”

“Well… We got drunk, he asked if it was my choice to sleep with Min-ji, we most probably kissed and I think I either cannot control my bladder anymore or I came in my pants. Anything else you want to know?”

“ _How can you say that with so calmly!!!_ ” Hakyeon almost shouted, but then he realized that an elderly lady was watching them with a disgusted look. “But I also mean… that’s all? I thought it’s a lot more serious than just a kiss and drunk grinding.”

“Worse?! Hakyeon, he is my friend. Or was, at least.”

“Look, my standards are high. It’s not like I never heard about such case.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well… Remember my 19th birthday?”

Taekwoon shivered, not wanting to hear about Hakyeon’s experiences.

“Yep. So… Do you think Wonshik remembers?”

“I’m not sure, we haven’t talked when he woke up.”

“What about Min-ji?”

“She doesn’t have an idea, she probably figured out I’m sleeping over at someone’s place.”

“Woah, she is really a good girlfriend,” a thought escaped Hakyeon’s lips, before he could realize how inappropriate it was at the moment.

Taekwoon sighed quietly and managed a half smile, the kind of smile he used when something positive was told him while he was down.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” Hakyeon apologized but the other only shrugged.

 

“Yo, Hakyeon…” Jaehwan sighed when the two of them sat in the van that was already loaded with their purchase, parked in the underground garage of the mall. Taekwoon excused himself that he needs to get some things he forgot to buy, sparing them of the details. Hakyeon turned his head, almost twisting his neck while doing so - it wasn’t common for him to speak in a voice this serious. “This might sound weird, and for your information, it is not related to any of our previous topics, well the thing is…”

“Yes, Jaehwan!” he reminded him, knowing how long it takes him to tell things sometimes.

“So the play we’re doing now, you know, how Hongbin was invited to star in?”

“Yeah, I know what you mean, what is with it?”

“So, he got the main role, right. Not _main_ main, that’s me, but one of the important characters. Turns out, my character is supposed to be interested in this one girl, but the girl is little bit weird and one of the methods the guy tries in order to get closer to her is… to pretend he is dating his friend. Who happens to be played by Hongbin. And I’m not exactly sure if I’m able to get that close to Hongbin,” Jaehwan stuttered out, nervously playing with the material covering the steering wheel. Hakyeon only wondered how had it happened that two, three of his friends have an issue this similar.

“Do you not like Hongbin?”

“No, that’s not it… It’s just… In the play, we are supposed to kiss, and even though it’s meant to look uncomfortable, I don’t think I can do it. I think it could destroy our friendship, you know?”

“And did you talk to him about it yet?”

“What do you think…”

“Oh… Is he making you uncomfortable?”

“No, it’s not…” Jaehwan hit the steering wheel with his open palms, grasping at it harder, “It’s not about being uncomfortable, I am comfortable with him, but not in that way… it just goes against the grain, y’know?”

“Do you have the script with you?”

“Yeah I do, why?”

“We’ll think of something, alright?” Hakyeon looked at his friend, placing a comforting pat on his shoulders. Jaehwan only hung his head, his nods almost unnoticeable.

 

×☂×

 

Wonshik arrived to his flat only few minutes before Hakyeon, Jaehwan and Taekwoon. He quickly finished packing, only to walk out of his room to see the three of his friends facing away from him, sprawled across everything that one could possibly sprawl on. Taekwoon was positioned on the bigger couch, making the couch look rather small under the lenght of his legs. Jaehwan was on the smaller couch, his back flush to the black cushions, while his legs were hanging over the armrest and dangling in air. Hakyeon was probably in the most obscure position, using the bean bag like little kids use styrofoam pads in pool to support them in water, the front of his torso being the only part of his body that held him balanced.

“Heeyy Wonshikkiee!” Hakyeon noted, rolling over so his back hit the carpet, knocking out his breath.

“Woah guys, isn’t it too early to drink?” Wonshik laughed, looking at all of them losing their breaths over their eldest falling over.

“It’s always the right time somewhere on the earth,” Jaehwan almost broke his neck in attempt to look at Wonshik, eventually repositioning himself into a relatively normal position, “No, don’t worry, we’re all just bored because Sanghyuk and Hongbin are stuck in the traffic. Apparently they weren’t the only ones with the idea to get out and also they discovered that the buses actually do have a finite limit of passengers.”

“Shouldn’t we pick them up then?” Wonshik proposed, dragging out his bag from his room and sitting down on Taekwoon’s couch’s armrest.

“I offered that as well, but Sanghyuk just said something about wanting to prove his masculinity and that real men don’t give up but die in a fight, then I heard Hongbin mumble something bitter and passive aggressive to him and then the line went dead. So we’ll just wait.”

 

×☂×

 

_Wonshik’s list of things to remember:_

 

  * __Taekwoon’s arms when he stretches over to the front seats, gripping the headrests of the seats in front of him for support.__


  * _Taekwoon’s quiet singing when he listens to his favourite song on the radio._


  * _Taekwoon’s scent when he helped Wonshik with opening the door._


  * _Taekwoon’s voice when he excitedly talks about something._


  * _Taekwoon’s laugh when he laughs at Sanghyuk’s impersonations of anime characters._


  * _Taekwoon’s elusive touch when he passes a bottle of water around._


  * _Taekwoon leaning against the window when dozing off, the setting sun illuminating his face and the careful wind playing with his hair, making Wonshik jealous._


  * _Taekwoon._



 

_But he was only a friend in Wonshik’s eyes, right?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so that's it for this chapter. please let me know in the comments how are you liking the story so far~~  
> await the next update on saturday~~


	3. i'm gonna try to handle you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a "little bit" longer update this time! it's hard to divide this story into chapters and given the fact it's already finished, there's no point in teasing you with short updates. ok i'll stop rambling now, enjoy!

> _I completely fell for you_  
>  _I can’t help but to get greedy_  
>  _The more I look at you, the greedier I get_

They arrived in the evening to Sanghyuk’s parents’ cabin, a modern two storey building made mostly of wood situated on the periphery of a big forest only few steps away from a beautiful lake and approximately an hour walk from the nearest town. Although the cabin had only three small bedrooms and the living room was almost half of the size of Hakyeon’s and Wonshik’s, none of them ever complained, being glad they can get rest from the busy city life.

The room assignment had been decided the first time they went there: Hakyeon and Sanghyuk will get the smallest room where the bunk bed and a small wardrobe barely fits (others argued that the duo has both the youngest and the smallest person), Jaehwan and Hongbin the one with a couch and a divan bed and a view at the lake, Taekwoon and Wonshik getting the only room with two actual beds and a balcony facing the fireplace.

Wonshik realized the issue maybe too late, causing him to jump in surprise when he opened the door to find Taekwoon already getting his things out of his bag. It was already getting dark outside and Hakyeon, taking the role of the camp leader again, announced that they all have 30 minutes to spend unpacking and making the cabin habitable before they all gather for an important notice from Jaehwan. Because he didn’t know how to operate the water and electricity switches and food was already being taken care of by Sanghyuk, he had the spare time for himself.

Which meant 30 minutes with Taekwoon in one room.

“The weather forecast turned out to be pretty good, don’t you think?” Taekwoon asked, trying to stir up a conversation. Wonshik stopped opening his bag for a fraction of second so the other wouldn’t notice how nervous he was.

“Yea, I guess,” Wonshik didn’t dare to face him, still standing above the bag sitting on the bed.

_Because what if he looked into my eyes and saw how I feel about him?_

“Have you brought any alcohol?” Taekwoon asked after a half minute of an awkward silence filled only with the rustle of their clothes being put out into the two separate wardrobes on the opposite sides of the small room.

“Yeah, it’s in the car.”

_All the feelings I piled up over the years?_

“Do you have any idea what Jaehwan's announcement be?”

“I have no idea.”

_I like you._

There was a hand on his wrist, spinning him around so he would face the latter. He didn’t dare to look up, only staring at their hands, the grip getting tighter with each passing second.

“Talk to me,” Taekwoon breathed out.

“Sorry, I’m just little bit tired, that’s all…”

“Look at me.”

Wonshik glanced up, not capable of holding the eye contact for more than a second.

“Now look at me and say that you’re alright.”

“Let me go, please,” he struggled getting his hand out of the strong grip.

“Wonshik.”

No answer.

“Please.”

Despite how much he wanted to have a honest talk with Wonshik, it wasn’t right to let him struggle. The door was quickly shut behind the younger, the loud blow echoing deeply in his ears and reaching his heart.

 

“I gathered you here today to make an important announcement,” Jaehwan proclaimed, silencing everyone. The sat on the two sofas that had only a small coffee table between them but were enough to seat all of them with only mild complaining. Jaehwan approached the fridge, being all mysterious with the big reveal.

“ _Jello shots!_ ” he shouted, no, _screamed_ , receiving a standing ovation from the whole squad, “ _But_ , there is a twist. To not completely waste my culinary arts, we’re gonna play the infamous game of Never Have I Ever.”

Well, he didn’t expect a groan _this_ loud.

“How do you play that?” Sanghyuk asked, only to receive a stare from Hongbin and a laughter from Jaehwan.

“Aww, my sweet, innocent, summer child,” he patted his head, setting the tray with _too many_ jello shots down, “Go ahead, the youngest starts.”

“Never have I ever… Been on a plane?” The group laughed, Taekwoon, Jaehwan and Hakyeon taking a shot.

“Never have I ever used an eyeliner,” Hongbin continued, Wonshik and Sanghyuk taking a shot and desperately trying to hide their embarrassment and giggles.

“Never have I ever dyed my hair pink,” Wonshik laughed at Hongbin, who was the only guilty one.

“Never have I ever done a prank call,” said Jaehwan watching Sanghyuk, Hakyeon and Wonshik lean for the glass.

“Hey, you’ve done that too!” Hongbin shouted and Jaehwan could only shrug and take the shot as well.

“Never have I ever done aegyo voluntarily,” Taekwoon laughed when everybody leaned over to take the shot.

“Never have I ever tried rapping,” said Hakyeon, Wonshik, Jaehwan, Sanghyuk and Hongbin taking a shot.

Few rounds later, they actually found themselves not as drunk as they expected, apart from Sanghyuk because of Jaehwan purposely saying things he knew that only he did. And Taekwoon would have had to be stupid to think that weird questions wouldn’t come up, ruining the mood for him.

“Never have I ever…” Sanghyuk was running out of ideas, sprawled on the couch with his legs on Hongbin and Wonshik and arms preventing himself from falling over. “I don’t know… Kissed a guy?”

“Wait, you haven’t?” Jaehwan shouted.

“You ass,” Sanghyuk threw a pillow after him, laughing. Then, he shifted his eyes at others, almost crashing down screaming. “ _Hakyeon!? What the fuck!_ ”

Hakyeon, midst leaning for the shot, laughed.

“Hakyeon!?” echoed from everyone, including one particularly loud shriek from Jaehwan.

“What? I don’t know, it was a wild party,” he defended himself, tipping over the glass with disinterest. He hoped so much that _the second person_ won’t say anything (Side note: His secret was not revealed. At least not that night).

Taekwoon’s heart stopped for a fraction of second. Although he didn’t intend to, he glanced at Wonshik for a second, considering all the possible scenarios.

What if Wonshik didn’t take the shot at all? He would either not remember it at all - not very likely, Taekwoon admitted - or he did remember but didn’t want to acknowledge it. He either forgot or wanted to forget.

What if he hesitated, like Hakyeon did? He was probably not the second person in Hakyeon’s story - he doubted that, but no one can be so sure - but maybe he had a story like that too, something that happened a long time ago and was not relevant anymore. It hurt and comforted him in its own odd way to realize that he could have not been Wonshik’s first. Or maybe he remembered only hazed fractions and pieces, not enough for him to see the whole picture.

And what if he did take the shot?

And he did.

“ _Wonshik!_ I knew you have it in you!” Hakyeon patted the younger’s back like a proud parent.

“Hey, we want the explanation too!” Sanghyuk kicked him, getting closer to another almost-fall.

“What do you wanna know, I just took the shot because it sounds like something you would convince my drunk self to do,” Wonshik laughed, jokingly offended.

And Taekwoon laughed too. Of course.

“Okay, kiss Hongbin!” Jaehwan shouted at him.

“No, _ew!_ ” Hongbin protested, swatting the tipsy friend away.

_Of course._

If Wonshik were to be honest with himself, he would call himself stupid. For the mere fact that he even reached for the jello, but also for the stupid excuse. But it wasn’t too far from the truth, right?

 

Hongbin woke up at 10am, lazily reaching for his phone out of habit. After checking that he in fact _wasn’t kidnapped_ but was at Sanghyuk’s cabin, he eventually sat up on the sofa, looking at the divan bed that was pushed into the same corner as the couch was. Jaehwan was probably still asleep, cuddled against the wall with his back facing the room. If that meant the others are still asleep as well, he could probably get the best water in the shower.

 _Or maybe not_ , he thought when he heard voices coming from the kitchen as he walked down the stairs. Hakyeon and Taekwoon were both preparing the breakfast, talking about something that probably wasn’t too important as they dropped the topic when Hongbin greeted them.

“So what’s the plan for today?” he asked, taking out the plates from the cupboard.

“I don’t think it’s worth to go anywhere before the lunch that you and Jae are making, and then we can maybe go check out the weir down the river, maybe they finally fixed the railings,” Hakyeon explained, “Also, it looks like it’s going to be warm today, so I thought we could make a campfire. So that means we should go to the woods to pick up some firewood.”

“Are the others still asleep?” Hongbin asked after couple of minutes.

“I bet, Sanghyuk had a lot yesterday and Wonshik is Wonshik. Jaehwan just loves the bed too much to leave it,” Taekwoon joked, being in unusually talkative mood. Maybe he is just compensating for Jaehwan.

“Do you think Min-ji will come here at some point?” Hongbin started cleaning the eating space, only then realizing what kind of mess they left behind.

“She has some free time tomorrow afternoon, but I might tell her to not go, you aren’t dragging here your girlfriends either.”

“Hyung, that’s because ‘our girlfriends’ realize how annoying our squad actually is,” Hongbin laughed. The truth was that the only ones dating at the time were Jaehwan and Sanghyuk, but it was rather complicated for both of them and spending a week in one building with couple of other guys would certainly not help the situation. But that was sort of the same thing.

“Yeah, Hongbin is right, I don’t think any of us would mind having her around, certainly not for this short amount of time. And Jaehwan actually told me that even though we know so little about her, it’s like if we always knew her. So as long as she wants, surely let her come,” Hakyeon assured Taekwoon, fiddling with his phone, “If you can even text in here, did all the satellites just decide to avoid this place every summer?”

 

×☂×

 

 _Wonshik’s Phone >> Messaging >> Unsent messages _  
_To: Taekwoon_  
_22:54_ _  
_ so you don’t remember?

 _Wonshik’s Phone >> Messaging >> Unsent messages _  
_To: Taekwoon_  
_22:56_ _  
_ liar

 _Wonshik’s Phone >> Messaging >> Unsent messages _  
_To: Taekwoon_  
_23:02_ _  
_ it didn’t happen anyway

 _Wonshik’s Phone >> Messaging >> Unsent messages _  
_To: Taekwoon_  
_02:08_ _  
_ do these beds become colder with every year or is it just your heart

 

×☂×

 

Jaehwan and Hongbin were well aware of their skills in the kitchen. Not that it would stop them from cooking, though. _Attempts_ of cooking. But it’s not like rice is hard to prepare without the rice cooker, right?

“So what do you think of the musical?” Jaehwan asked while doing the dishes that piled up during the cooking.

“I’m so looking forward to it! I really like the cast, they seem like fun,” Hongbin ranted, “I hope I won’t be much of a burden, I still have a lot to improve in my acting. I still can’t believe it was possible to cast me.”

“Yeah, I told the director about you and he had apparently seen you in the commercial you done once,” Jaehwan explained, not sure if he had told him already, “So what about the play itself? Do you think it will sell?”

“Well, I hope so. I think a lot of people could like it, even though it might get few grandmas angry,” Hongbin laughed.

“True, I can’t wait for the reactions,” he chuckled. Hongbin was so carefree about the play. Although Jaehwan liked and appreciated his positivity, he secretly hoped that he would have the same issue, or at least _knew_ that the other man is uncomfortable. Jaehwan was never the one to talk about his feelings without further preparations, and even then he would avert his eyes or hide his face like if he wanted to disappear.

“Do you maybe want to run through the scenario sometime? I brought it with me.”

“Yeah, sure, I brought it too.”

Well, that was going really well.

 

The weir still had not been fixed. When the six of them arrived luckily not many adults were there, allowing them to act as childish as they wanted.

Jaehwan was pleasantly surprised but also internally freaking out when no one commented on the fact he and Hongbin tried holding hands. Hakyeon was actually the one who suggested Hongbin to talk to Jaehwan about the musical, so Hongbin was direct with him and came up with the idea to hold hands as a “training”. Jaehwan was first little bit shy but eventually got used to it, despite the warm weather that made both of their hands sweaty. Nevertheless, the bet that if they can withstand it for the whole way or they will have to take care of everything for the campfire including doing the dishes definitely helped.

The area of the weir was quite peaceful, the only people apart from them being few kids splashing around where the water was shallow and two or three couples walking around. There was a small wooden bridge over the stream, where two people would barely fit next to each other, which was most of the time occupied by kids despite the broken railing, but it wasn’t where the group liked to go the most. Few metres away, where the water was still rather slow and deep enough to swim in, there was a short stone wall that prevented the water to spill or the soil to fall over, where they also hung a swing they could use to launch themselves into the pond. Luckily most of the mums forbid their kids to play there because of the swing, the deep water and also the fragile wall, but Hakyeon was the cool mum who put the swing there in the first place and put all the other mums to shame.

It was Sanghyuk’s idea to push Hongbin - no, he can’t swim, Wonshik - in. One moment, they were gossiping about his love life, and in a second, there were Sanghyuk’s arms around Wonshik, dragging him into the water with a scream coming from both of them.

“Who hurt you, Sanghyuk!” Wonshik screamed right after he emerged from the water and started swimming away from the evil friend.

“Jaehwan yesterday!”

“So you throw _me_ in?”

“Jaehwan can’t swim, I’m sorry,” Sanghyuk laughed, splashing around in the water, chasing after him. It didn’t take long for Hakyeon to take off his expensive shoes and shirt and jump after them. To shortly describe following acts of bullying and unrequired skinship, it was a mess; they all got tired quickly, and joined Jaehwan, Hongbin and Taekwoon, sitting on the edge of the wall with their bare feet submerged in water.

“I can’t ever trust you again, Sanghyuk,” Wonshik shaked his head to get the droplets of water out.

“You ever trusted me?” Sanghyuk laughed in response, being almost pushed in the water as a response.

“I liked this shirt! Do you have any idea what the dirty water does to quality fabric?” he said, squeezing the bottom rim.

“Pretty much nothing?” This time, the younger was pushed so hard that his knees got wet, being saved by Jaehwan only.

Sanghyuk got up, taking off his dripping-wet shirt and throwing it over Jaehwan’s head. Jaehwan screamed and threw the tshirt back at him. Both him and Hongbin got up - not that Hongbin would want to, he just didn’t want to lose the bet and let go off his hand - and quickly captured Sanghyuk, pushing him to the ground.

“Stop bullying me!” Sanghyuk defended himself, only to receive several neck chops from both of them. Soon, there was Wonshik’s shirt landing on Hongbin’s hair, who almost broke Jaehwan’s hand just to drag Wonshik down on the ground with them.

“You know how Hongbin gets sensitive about his hair,” Jaehwan shouted.

“No, I don’t!”

“Kids, kids!” Sanghyuk shouted, “I know how important the topic of pink Hongbin is,” neck chop, “But what the _fuck_ is that, Wonshik!”

Everybody was suddenly looking at Wonshik’s bare collarbone, decorated by a hickey in the size of a _really huge hickey_.

“What? What is what?” Wonshik was confused, not sure of what are the others pointing at until he looked himself.

“Ooh, somebody is getting some,” Jaehwan teased him in an exaggerated intonation. Neck chop.

_Oh god, this can’t be happening._

“With how little effort is Wonshik putting into self care recently, I’d bet he did that himself,” Hongbin joined in.

“How would I even? What? That’s- that’s just from a mosquito, they’re getting more and more intense with each year, am I right?”

“Nobody is believing that, we all, maybe except for our little Sanghyuk, know how hickeys look like,” Jaehwan laughed, getting neck-chopped from the younger.

“That’s a lot coming from a guy who has to be holding another guy’s hand for two hours and not even because they would be dating,” Sanghyuk fired back and Wonshik was glad that he wasn’t the centre of attention anymore.

Taekwoon only scoffed, being torn between the fear of the possibility of being disclosed, and the sense of accomplishment that _he had marked Wonshik as his_ , and that it was _their secret_ , something only between them that tied them together.

 

×☂×

 

“What are you doing here?” Wonshik asked Taekwoon when entered the room and saw the other man sitting cross-legged on the floor leaned against the bed, submerged in darkness, the only light coming from the hall, where Wonshik turned it on, and from outside through the french windows by the balcony. He had expected him to be there when he went to get an additional layer of clothing, but he had hoped for the opposite. The others were sat at the campfire that could be seen from the balcony like a beacon, illuminating four small figures surrounding it.

“Nothing, just trying to text Min-ji,” he answered, getting up and walking to the balcony, where he leaned against the railing. Wonshik came after him, reluctantly, standing in a respectful distance with his hands in his pockets.

“Oh right, I heard that she will drop by,” Wonshik chuckled. Taekwoon didn’t respond.

“Wonshik. What are we?” he asked after the silence was unbearable, and he had to mentally kick himself in order to get the courage.

“What do you mean?” the younger asked, suddenly uncomfortable.

“Wonshik, I’m not stupid,” Taekwoon snapped, still trying to hold his voice calm. Wonshik opened his mouth like if he wanted to say something but then decided against it, letting go of the railing and running his hands through his hair in frustration.

“I- I’m not gay,” he sighed, more to convince himself than Taekwoon.

“And I sleep with Min-ji because I want to,” he responded in a strangely calm voice, turning his head to watch the other’s reaction. Wonshik didn’t dare to glance at him; he bumped into the glass panel with his back, sliding down to sit on the cold wooden floor of the balcony. Taekwoon sat down next to him in respectable distance, their shoulders only slightly touching. They fell into silence again, neither of them actually knowing what to say. They built up this kind of nonverbal communication over the years that putting their feelings into words was complicated more than anything.

“I’m sorry,” Wonshik eventually spoke up. The night was getting more and more dark, more and more stars lighting up the sky and the sparks from the campfire flying up in the distance. It was the kind of silence that stretches in the space; even though they could easily hear their friends talking and laughing and wind brushing against the leaves and insect buzzing everywhere, it was all deadly quiet at the same time.

“No, you’re not,” Taekwoon responded with a silent chuckle.

“What am I supposed to say, then.”

“Forgive me for leaving.”

“ _Forgive?_ First you hold my hand, tell me you will always be there for me, and before I turn around you are leaving without any proper explanation, getting a whole different life away from me- us and getting a girlfriend. _Forgive you?!_ ”

“I had offered you to leave with me.”

“And when Min-ji would’ve showed up and I was there, would you have not gone out with her? Just to show off to your parents? Would you not have not made a mess?”

“I… I love Min-ji. But I care about you more. If she got in the way, I would have let go off her,” Taekwoon said like a promise that he could have never made.

“And would you now?”

Taekwoon didn’t respond. Wonshik didn’t realize right away what he said, but decided to not take it back when he did.

After another painful minute of silence, they walked up to the railing again. Hakyeon, Jaehwan, Hongbin and Sanghyuk were still sat over the fire, Hakyeon being fortunately the only one facing the cabin, not looking in its direction anyways.

Taekwoon reached into the pocket of the hoodie he had had draped over himself, pulling out a small box, its shape hardly recognizable in the darkness. Wonshik’s gaze was automatically attracted when he opened it, to reveal-

_A ring?_

“I’m proposing to Min-ji tomorrow.”

Wonshik tried his best to ignore how his heart suddenly stopped, the exploding sensations in his head, the slight trembling of his fingers and the urge to throw the box into the lake nearby. Nevertheless he stayed silent, listening to the other’s prepared words.

“I bought seven sky lanterns. I will lead her to the lake after the sun sets and the sky gets dark. I’m going to ask her to marry me and then we’re gonna light up the lanterns, and the five of you will light them up right after. The wedding will be in September when the leaves start to change the colour, her favourite season. She and my parents will be crying of happiness and I will be crying too. Then we’re gonna get a house somewhere in the outskirts, and three kids, and a dog. And she will be happy, and my parents will get grandkids, and I-” Taekwoon couldn’t continue, taking a laboured breath. He closed the box with a loud click and hung his head, putting his thoughts in order.

Wonshik stretched out his arm, reaching for the box the older held with both of his hands. His fingers ghosted over his, feeling how shaky had they become. Taekwoon moved the box into his other hand, turning the free one around and accepted the younger’s clasp. They both looked at how their fingers looked intertwined, remembering the last time they did.

“Will you ever forgive me?” Taekwoon asked, his voice almost a whisper.

He didn’t get an answer.

“What would happen,” he spoke up again, when he realized the younger is not going to respond, “If I kissed you right now?”

“It would hurt the both of us.”

Taekwoon didn’t take that as a no.

Wonshik wasn’t surprised to feel the other’s lips on his, recalling a faint memory of the previous night. The kiss was slow, both of them trying to remember it like if it was the last one. Taekwoon put his hands on the other’s neck, pulling him closer. Wonshik leaned his head to the side, hands on Taekwoon’s waist, too taken away to do anything more. It didn’t last as long as the both of them would be satisfied with, but long enough for them to begin missing it in advance.

The younger was the first one to pull away when he felt Taekwoon’s tear touch his cheek; he rested his forehead on his, wiping the tear with his thumb in one slow motion, feeling the soft skin under the palm of his hand. Taekwoon opened his eyes later, looking into Wonshik’s through his lashes wet with tears.

_It does hurt. I don’t want to forgive you. That would only let you hurt me more._

“Don’t cry,” Wonshik whispered, “You’re getting married in two months.” And left.

 

×☂×

 

 **_Scene 3_ **  
_(Ken and Chi-Ang enter a café, generic music, rattling of dishes and other people talking in the background.)_  
**_Ken:_ ** _(to Chi-Ang) I’m telling you, if this won’t work, then nothing will!_  
**_Chi-Ang:_ ** _Aren’t you taking it too far? I don’t think girls are attracted to this._  
**_Ken:_ ** _Shhh, she’s coming!_  
_(Hani enters, sitting far away from them, reading a book.)_  
**_Chi-Ang:_ ** _See! She didn’t even notice us._  
**_Ken:_ ** _Alright, wait. (throws a piece of crumbled paper after Hani and she picks it up, not looking in their direction) (to himself, whimpering) Ah, Hani._  
**_Chi-Ang:_ ** _Stop it before you embarrass us, please._  
**_Ken:_ ** _Looks like I will have to use the Plan B._  
**_Chi-Ang:_ ** _What is Plan B?_  
**_Ken:_ ** _(kneels in front of Chi-Ang) (loud enough for the whole café to hear him clearly) Chi-Ang, I’ve loved you ever since we first met. Will you spend the rest of your life with me?_  
**_Chi-Ang:_ ** _(to himself) I swear to god… (aloud) Yes, I will._  
_(Everybody in the café cheers except for Hani who didn’t hear. Ken notices when he stands back up that she didn’t even look up from the book.)_  
**_Ken:_ ** _(to the customers) I want everybody to know! I love Chi-Ang! (In Hani’s direction) Even you, lady! I love him!_ _  
_ (Hani looks up, smiles and resumes reading. Chi-Ang lays his head on the table in desperation.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's it! i hope you liked it~  
> the next chapter will be even longer (it's got 15 pages in google docs), but you will finally find out what is taekwoon being so mysterious about.  
> please leave a comment if you liked!


	4. I erased all of my emotions but I couldn’t erase you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Angst." - @outrotaehyvng

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so this is (hopefully) the longest chapter in this fic. i hope you will enjoy!
> 
> i'm literally # blessed to have @outrotaehyvng as my friend as he not only supported me while i was writing this and helped with brainstorming, but also made an awesome moodboard/cover for this fic (spoiler maybe? but come on, it's a moodboard)  
> you can find it here: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1166334

> If I hold onto you, it hurts  
>  But if I let you go, it hurts even more  
>  This place is deeper than a dream inside a dream  
>  I have no confidence to escape from it

**_~* Two and a Half Years Ago *~_ **

It was not uncommon for them to wake up in one bed. The reasons were various, from late study sessions back in high school to the days when they just needed the other’s support and then they were both too tired to not fall asleep in the same bed. This time, it was the second reason.

Wonshik called Taekwoon over. He was finishing up his YouTube debut, working hard on his music till late nights and if it weren’t for his friends, most probably skipping meals just for it to be perfect. Recording in the apartment he shared with Hakyeon and using only the tools and devices he had already had didn’t make it much easier, either. Taekwoon was the first one to hear the whole song.

“Hey, I finally got it. I hope you have at least some time to listen to it right now, before Hakyeon comes home in the evening,” he welcomed him on the doorstep, already dragging him to the couch where his laptop was.

“Why wouldn’t I have time for this, I’ve been waiting literally ever since you announced that you’re composing it,” Taekwoon chuckled, but he was soon silenced by headphones being forcedly fixed on his ears by Wonshik.

“Alright, alright, we can talk later, just tell me how it is,” Wonshik impatiently stuttered out, excited like a small kid. Taekwoon would never want to miss the spark in his eyes every time he was this excited about something.

Taekwoon listened carefully, wanting to have constructive and useful comments on the song, but he was too taken away by _everything_ and most importantly Wonshik’s voice, deep bass echoing in his whole body, not really allowing him to focus on the instrumentals. How is it possible that he had so few opportunities to hear something so good like this?

“So, how was it,” Wonshik asked, growing impatient. Taekwoo tore his eyes away from the screen, not fully realizing that the song has already ended.

“Wonshik,” he gasped, “That was no joke the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Wow, who paid you to say such things,” Wonshik scoffed, but also blushed because _he liked his song_.

“Had Jiyeon hear it already? She has to be very proud of you,” Taekwoon asked. Wonshik visibly flinched - he never gave second thought to letting Taekwoon listen to the recording first.

“No, I will show her when she comes here in the evening,” he answered reaching for the laptop, less enthusiastic. He had been dating Jiyeon for the sixth month now but he knew Taekwoon longer and knew that he will appreciate his work for what it is, not just to compliment him and be nice. Jiyeon was smart and beautiful and funny, but often weren’t exactly honest and said things just to get the other’s favour, then getting extremely jealous when somebody exceeded her in getting attention.

Taekwoon decided to stay at Wonshik’s after Jiyeon had texted that she will arrive two hours later. They eventually found a way how to fit on the two-seat couch in order to prevent having to get up and sit on the cold bigger couch. It was when Taekwoon had his head resting on the pillow that sat on Wonshik’s lap when Hakyeon came back, along with Jiyeon who he met on the way.

“Hey Wonshik, hey Taekwoon,” Hakyeon greeted them in his usual cheerful voice when he entered the apartment.

“Hi Hakyeon,” Wonshik greeted him sleepily, not looking away from the tv.

“Jiyeon is here,” Hakyeon added, the girl appearing from behind his back.

“Hi Wonshik,” she said, annoyance apparent in her voice.

“Oh hi,” he turned around with the most genuine smile that sleepy person can produce.

“Is _he_ here again?!” she snapped back, pointing at Taekwoon who immediately sat up, looking around like a confused kitten. Hakyeon stopped in his tracks, conflicted whether he should go mind his own business or try to help.

“Yeah, I wanted his opinion on the thing I’ve been working on,” Wonshik explained. He would have got up, but Jiyeon stood in front of them both, too intimidating.

“Do you even care about me at this point? All you seem to do is to spend days working alone, living off of your parents money, and the only person you talk to is _him_ ,” she scoffed at the last word. Taekwoon didn’t dare to look at anyone, only staring into the floor.

“Jiyeon, you know how much I love you, come on,” he got up, stretching out his arms trying to bring her closer to him.

“So how do you explain why you two act like a couple of *ags?” she spat out. Wonshik took a step away from her, his expression perplexed, ton of emotions going off at once.

“I think I should go,” Taekwoon muttered, quickly putting on his shoes not bothering with tying them.

“Better never come back,” Jiyeon didn’t even bother to look in his direction.

“No, Taekwoon, st-” Wonshik reached out, but the doors had already closed behind him. Hakyeon meanwhile silently escaped to his room but sat right against the door so he would be aware of the situation.

Taekwoon didn’t go far. He leaned against the wall next to the door, still hearing bits of the conversation.

“Jiyeon, please, this is ridiculous.”

“So am I not enough for you? Is he like your little bitch now?”

“Taekwoon is my friend, you know that.”

“And since when do ‘friends’ share bed? How many times did you two fuck?”

“Jiyeon, ple-”

“No, don’t answer that. Just tell me why was I not good enough for you.”

“You are good enough for me. And my friendship with him doesn’t interrupt our relationship, alright?”

“Why do you keep lying to me. You’re always locked up here for days, telling me that you have a lot of work that isn’t even leading you anywhere, and on the rare occasions I see you _he_ is always there. Don’t expect me to trust your stupid excuses.”

“You don’t even care about my work! How am I supposed to prove you that I’m not cheating on you!”

“Stop seeing Taekwoon. I don’t think he sees you as a friend.”

“What?”

“Come on, it’s either me or him.”

Taekwoon had enough. He didn’t have to hear the rest, he will find out the result either way. He hurried to the upper floor, where he tied his shoes and waited. And cried.

 

Meanwhile, Wonshik was on the brink of going mad. He doesn’t want to leave Jiyeon, he loves her. But would he be able to move on after what she said about him? Why did it even hurt so much when she did? Was it because being gay would be something he should be ashamed for? Or was it because there was something between his daily thoughts, a thought that would always be triggered by something mundane and not leaving until he started thinking about Jiyeon, would always appear somewhere deep in his dreams and right before he fell asleep, and this thought got stung by the harsh words she said?

Upon thinking about the option where he would leave Jiyeon, he felt almost relieved. It always saddened him when he couldn’t be with both Jiyeon and Taekwoon. Sometimes Taekwoon would excitedly tell him about a new movie in cinema that he wanted to see but had to go see it alone because the couple wanted to be alone. No, Jiyeon wanted them to be alone. Or the times like this, when Jiyeon was coming to visit and the other had to leave, and Wonshik knew that Taekwoon wouldn’t want to bother the others to hang out with him, even if it was just Jaehwan who he shared his apartment with. If he broke up with Jiyeon, he could spend more time with Taekwoon. And maybe he could even find a girlfriend that would tolerate third person being around. The question remained, would he want to have a girlfriend after Jiyeon?

Nevertheless, she had to go. Wonshik might have not known what he wants in life, but Jiyeon was not it. No, he really couldn’t tolerate her attitude.

“I’m sorry,” was all he said. After one glance at her, he took his laptop and shut the door of his room behind him.

“I’ll make sure to say hi to Taekwoon’s parents.”

 

Taekwoon heard the door being shut. But whatever was going through Wonshik’s head, his presence in his apartment wouldn’t help.

 

 **_Hakyeon:_ ** _come back. wonshik is sulking._  
**_Taekwoon:_ ** _i don’t think i’d help him_  
**_Hakyeon:_ ** _he might think that too, but there’s no one else he would trust with this_  
**_Hakyeon:_ ** _he chose you over her_  
**_Taekwoon:_ ** _i know that_  
**_Taekwoon:_ ** _but i’m the reason they broke up_ _  
_ **_Hakyeon:_ ** i know what he means to you, so come here

When Taekwoon reached the apartment, Hakyeon was already holding the door open for him. _Of course Taekwoon won’t_ just _leave_ , he thought.

“He’s in his room… Good luck,” Hakyeon wished him with a pat on his back and went back to his place on the couch.

Taekwoon slowly approached the door. He knocked softly with the knuckles of his fingers, letting himself in after few seconds. Wonshik laid on his bed with headphones on and eyes closed. When the door clicked, leaving the two of them alone, he looked up at the ceiling and took off the headset, pausing the music. He didn’t dare to look at the older man.

“Have you been crying?” Taekwoon asked, taking considerate steps towards the bed and sitting on the edge of it.

“No. You?”

“No.”

“Have you heard us?”

“Mostly.”

“She said it’s either her or you, so I… let her go.”

“I’m sorry.”

“She was a terrible person, anyways.”

“You don’t have to say that.”

“It’s okay, she really was.”

“You know, you don’t have to hold back the tears.”

So Wonshik cried.

Taekwoon passed him the tissues and laid down next to him on his side, watching him when he had his eyes closed and hid behind his palms.

“I don’t even know why I’m crying anymore,” Wonshik sobbed.

“Why is that?” Taekwoon stroked his shoulder, playing with the material of the other man’s sweater.

“I… I loved her, and I guess I still do, but… I feel relieved that she’s not in my life anymore? I just feel,” he hiccuped, new tears staining his cheeks and pillowcases, “I feel so happy at the same time… That you’re here and that Ji-Jiyeon didn’t hurt you as much as she wanted. I just don’t know what I did to deserve you here.”

Taekwoon propped himself up on his elbows and looked down at Wonshik, who was still hiding his face. He hugged him tight like if he was made from broken pieces and Taekwoon was holding all of them together. After a while, he felt Wonshik’s arms wrap loosely around him, accompanied with quiet sobs and sighs.

“If I had known how much she will hurt you, I would have never introduced her to you at the wedding. My parents had always thought only the best of her and I’ve never seen her like this,” Taekwoon almost whispered into the fabric of Wonshik’s sweater. He wasn’t sure if he was heard or acknowledged, but he needed to apologize. _I hurt him and didn’t even realize it._

“Taekwoon…” the younger asked after a while when he calmed down a little.

“Yeah?” he hummed in response, being too busy listening to the heartbeat from under where his head rested.

“Let’s forget what she said,” Wonshik said, his voice expressionless.

“Don’t worry about it, please.”

“Oh, good.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Hm… Remember the last day of finals one year in high school, when somehow nobody else from the six of us was present, so we just went to my house and laid like this? Because all the stress was already gone and we were both really tired but also really glad? So we just stayed like this for five hours before my mum said that your parents have to be looking for you.”

“You still remember that?”

“Yeah, I do. That’s how I feel right now.”

 

It was Jaehwan who woke them up. Taekwoon was about to shout at him, but then he realized that it was already almost noon, which is the usual time he shows up to… _What was he even doing?_ Does he have a job apart from annoying him in all places possible? It wasn’t only the noise he made when Hongbin and Sanghyuk were visiting at their place, it was the noise he made generally as a human being.

“Taekwooon! Wonshiiiik! We’re going out!” Jaehwan shouted through the door.

“Have fun…!” Wonshik whimpered, almost inaudible on the other side.

“No, I mean _we_ as in _we_ we, as in all four of us. Now get up!”

“What is happening?” Taekwoon stuttered out when they finally managed to get dressed up. Hakyeon and Jaehwan were sat at the small table, both busy on their phones.

“Jaehwanie is taking us somewhere for lunch!” Hakyeon got up, excitedly putting his arm around Taekwoon’s shoulders.

“Guys, so I discovered this buffet with the most awesome food, we _have_ to go there. We’re celebrating that I was finally casted in a play in the theater and that Hakyeon won the competition with his dance club, right?”

“Yeah, it’s the first win, we have to celebrate it.”

“Don’t tell me you cried.”

“He totally cried,” Taekwoon added.

“You cried too, don’t flatter yourself,” Hakyeon chopped his neck, laughing.

“Are Hongbin and Sanghyuk still on the vacation?” Wonshik asked.

“They’re coming back tomorrow evening, but maybe we can use their absence as an excuse to go there again?” Jaehwan proposed, everybody nodding in agreement.

 

The ride was supposed to take only ten or fifteen minutes, but apparently they were not the only people that got the idea, resulting in a long traffic jam in the centrum. Wonshik didn’t really pay attention to the conversation, spacing out to the car radio, but eventually he was included by the nosy Jaehwan.

“Wonshik! What happened yesterday? If you wanna share, though…” he carefully fixed the rearview mirror in the car to see the back seats. The car belonged to Hakyeon, but he was too nervous to drive so Jaehwan used it as if it was his. Hakyeon agreed more than willingly, but he still keept the role of the dj.

“Ah, um, I… broke up with Jiyeon,” Wonshik said, glancing into the mirror to meet Jaehwan’s eyes for a second.

“Oh no, I’m so sorry, what happened?”

“She felt like I’m spending more time with my friends than her and told me it’s either her or you guys…”

“Yo, I’m buying you food today. That’s just harsh. Are you okay?”

“Ye- No, I’m not really.”

But he knew it’s not because of Jiyeon. It was because of her words, stinging directly at places in his mind that hurt the most. He and Taekwoon had been close, but he had never questioned it. He was never single long enough to start thinking about the closeness of the two of them, and Taekwoon never showed his affection in a way that would be suspicious or too much. But what if Jiyeon was right? Could he have been oblivious to Taekwoon’s feelings all the time? Were his friendly acts more than just friendly? Did he feel a spark of warmth whenever Wonshik shyly smiled, like a spark one feels when falling in love? Did sharing a bed mean more for him than it should have?

If the speculations were true and Taekwoon had had feelings for him - and that was a huge if - did Wonshik reciprocate them? Did he mistake the sense of safety and joy when they hugged for the feel of love and home he found in his arms? Was it the reason he never prioritized his girlfriends over him? He recalled the feeling in his stomach when he gave Jiyeon flowers, how her being happy made him instantly happy too and her presence made anything possible. Was it the same with Taekwoon when he showed him the song?

_Was Jiyeon right?_

_Does Taekwoon like me?_

_Do I like Taekwoon?_

_What would I do if both were right?_

 

They arrived at the buffet rather late than they expected to. Taekwoon’s stomach was already rumbling, looking forward to eating everything in the buffet. After they paid for the entry, they found a nice table on the side where not many people passed through so they had a little bit more privacy. All four of the food counters had over six meters, offering meals from various asian cuisines but also fries and some barbecue items on skewers.

They used - tried to use - the good old natural selection method to decide who will go pick the food first and who will wait at the table to watch over their personal belongings. Jaehwan and Taekwoon were first to get up, but Hakyeon changed the rules of natural selection _just because he could_ and claimed that he should go first because he is the one celebrating.

“Wonshik?” Taekwoon disrupted the comfortable silence they fell into as they sat next to each other.

“Yeah?”

“It must be tough, but… Will you be okay?”

“I guess, one day,” Wonshik lied through his teeth, making small rips in a napkin he fiddled with.

“You know that- I want you to know,” Taekwoon reached across the few inches between them, carefully approaching Wonshik’s palms before he slid his hand into the small space between and tangled their fingers together, “No matter what happens… I’m always here for you. And even though it’s hard for me to show it, I care about you and you mean so much for me. I will never leave you.”

Wonshik took a laboured breath, trying to process the information that was being delivered to him from Taekwoon’s lips. This was it. Was Jiyeon right?

“I want you to know… And don’t feel obligated to say it too, I just can’t wait any longer. I think I-”

Taekwoon’s words were interrupted by a familiar tune, echoing from the pocket of his jeans. He breathed out nervously. If it wasn’t for the fact it was the ringtone he set for his parents only, he would have ignored it. He checked the screen: It was his mother calling him. What was so important on Sunday noon that she had to call him?

“I will finish later, I’m sorry, that’s my mum calling,” he quickly stuttered out, letting go of Wonshik’s hand and exiting the restaurant, making sure to wave at the staff so they would let him return.

Wonshik stayed sitting at the table, paralyzed and unable to think.

“Hi, mum!” Taekwoon said when he finally got outside.

“Hi, what are you up to?” a kind voice echoed from his phone.

“Nothing special, you?”

“Guess who just paid a visit! Do you remember Jiyeon, the kid you used to play with at the family gatherings?”

“Yeah, don’t you remember she was going out with Wonshik? Sadly, they just broke up.”

“And do you know why, honey?”

“I heard it was complicated,” Taekwoon said, confused.

“Don’t lie to me, son.”

“What?”

“I can’t believe my son has a disease like this and didn’t even tell his own parents!”

“What are you talking about, mum?!”

“Oh shut it, you know what I’m talking about. How long have you been with that man?”

“I’m not- We’re not together.”

“Then explain to me what did Jiyeon mean by ‘they are constantly sharing a bed and spending more time together than Wonshik is with me’, hm?”

“Mum, it’s not like that, I-”

Rattling and distant voices echoed from the speaker and the line went silent for a while.

“Mum?”

“Taekwoon, this is your dad now.”

“Dad, you know I’m not lying, don’t you. It’s not like that.”

“Taekwoon, pay attention to me for a while, alright?”

“Oh, okay, but…”

“I don’t care about who is telling the truth, but truth is not what this is about. I want you to move out in a month.”

“Wait, no, dad-”

“Either, you will move out and find a different life, you will get a job and then a wife. Then you can come back and we will help you with kids, alright? Or you will move out and live your life however you want it to be, but you can never come back, is that clear?”

“But I can’t move out! I have friends here! And a career!”

“Don’t worry about career, I can help you with that when you move. But we just can’t live here with a rumor that our son is a *ag.”

“Dad, please!”

“I’m not saying I believe them. But this is the deal. Please let us know afterwards how you decided.”

The rattling was heard again, the phone being passed to another person.

“This is your mother again. Please don’t let us know if you decide for the second option. Goodbye.”

 

Taekwoon had never returned to the table again.

 

After countless attempts, they gave up trying to contact Taekwoon.

 

Wonshik didn’t fall asleep until 4am.

On 5am, his phone rang and Wonshik had never woken up this fast. Taekwoon’s picture lit up on the screen, blinding Wonshik with his rare wide smile. It was the one he took weeks ago on the New Year when he showed up on his doorstep, even though the special day was meant mainly for the family.

“Taekwoon?” he said, sitting up on his bed.

“Wonshik,” Taekwoon said, a relief apparent in his voice, “I need you to come here. My bus is leaving soon.”

“Wait, what? Leaving where? Wh-”

“Wonshik, hurry up, please. I’m at the bus parking lot,” Taekwoon ended the call.

Wonshik dressed up quickly, only throwing on the nearest pair of jeans and a warm jumper, grabbing a heavy coat before running to the station. It wasn’t too far, but the frozen air quickly knocked out the breath out of his lungs, burning deeply in his throat.

Taekwoon sat on the pavement few feet away from the back of the bus when he finally saw Wonshik. He quickly stood up, walking towards him.

“Oh crap, aren’t you cold?” he greeted him, placing his hands on the other’s shoulders, but pulling them away immediately.

“What do you mean, leaving? Where are you going? Why?”

“I’m sorry, I have to,” Taekwoon explained, scared to meet Wonshik’s eyes.

“Why?”

“I can’t explain that now. But the bus is leaving in few minutes, so let me just say this, alright?”

Wonshik nodded.

“I don’t know if and when I’ll come back, and when I do, I won’t be able to do this so, I’m now offering to you. Leave with me, please.” Taekwoon held up a single ticket to him, proud like if it was an engagement ring.

“But we both have a life here already…!”

So this was it. Taekwoon asking Wonshik how strong his feelings, whatever kind they might be, are.

Wonshik felt a shiver go down his spine.

“It’s not that far, you will still be able to visit others, or vice versa. If you do decide to board this bus with me now,” Taekwoon pointed at the vehicle behind them, “I will make sure no one will hurt you like _she_ did. I will make sure you will have a beautiful life. And I will never leave you, there.”

How was he supposed to decide in a minute about his future?

_Please, forgive me._

“I’m sorry.”

“Okay.”

“Can I at least visit you?”

“No, only if you left with me now.”

“How does that make sense?!”

“At least promise me that you will be happy here.”

“Will you visit some time?”

“Please, promise.”

“Promise me you will visit and I will promise to be happy.”

“Okay,” Taekwoon chuckled after a while, smiling at Wonshik.

Eventually, it was Wonshik who initiated the hug. And they didn’t let go off each other until the bus crew member announced the departure.

Taekwoon sat right in front of the last row, checking he has everything he will need for the upcoming couple of days when he will be looking for an apartment, with only a little help of his father.

He forgot only two things on the parking lot. The second ticket, along with the crucial piece of his heart.

 

 _From: Dad_  
_Sun 19:34_ _  
_ Just want you to know that I don’t agree with your mum. I won’t think less of you if you decide to live with him

 _From: Mum_  
_Tue 13:07_ _  
_ We found you a nice apartment near the centre! When your dad lived there, it took him only a month to find me haha can’t wait to take care of the kids hahaha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked! if you did, please leave a comment~~


	5. but I wonder if I even deserve that love

 

> _Even after time, I couldn’t say anything_  
>  _and just swallowed my words_  
>  _Words saying, I’m sorry, I love you,_  
>  _please believe in me like you do now_

**~* Present Time *~**

Wonshik woke up with a slight headache at 8am. He checked his phone for messages before realizing how terrible the service is there. He was still in the clothes from the day before, remembering being too tired to even just strip into underwear.

He had been partially avoiding Taekwoon for the rest of the evening, but he also didn’t restrain himself from making eye contact with him when nobody was paying attention. He also might have purposely accidentally brushed his hand against his when they were standing next to each other, but neither of them thought much about it. It was just their own way of saying that they are still talking to each other, even though they aren’t using words, _because words are just too much of a commitment, right?_

Nevertheless, he refused to go to bed first or worse, on the same time as Taekwoon. It was only when Hakyeon said that they should start picking themselves up when he finally peeled his butt off the wooden bench that was already being covered by small droplets of water. Luckily enough, Jaehwan and Hongbin didn’t lose the bet and both went straight to bed, excitedly talking about something, unconsciously still holding hands. Hakyeon only rolled his eyes on how much was Jaehwan worried about getting comfortable with Hongbin, and screamed at Sanghyuk to _hurry his ass to the bed, he needs his beauty sleep_.

Wonshik  eventually entered the room, trying his best to be as late as possible, hoping he won’t have to change in front of Taekwoon, considering the fact they made out not even two hours before. Taekwoon was sitting on his bed, already in his sleeping attire. He barely looked up, his eyes focused on the silver ring in his hands. Neither of them spoke, apart from a tired “good night” when Wonshik turned off the lights and crashed face-first into the pillow.

As he laid in the bed, contemplating what has he become that he is awake at 8am on a Sunday morning, he found out that a blanket had been draped over him to prevent him from catching cold. He looked at the other bed; Taekwoon looked so peaceful in his sleep, he just wanted to join him under the blanket and be close again. But then he reminded himself that Min-ji should arrive in few hours, and everything was _so wrong_ again.

Eventually Wonshik got up, changing into shorts and a muscle tee. He wondered if the others are awake as well, but his roommate didn’t look even close to waking up, so he assumed that the others are not either. Taking considerate steps, he approached the other bed.

“Are you awake?” Wonshik asked. Taekwoon didn’t even flinch, and when he took a closer look he saw on his closed eyes that he is still probably dreaming. Wonshik kneeled next to the bed, his face only inches away from Taekwoon’s.

“Why do you keep breaking my heart, goddammit,” he cursed quietly. He carefully brushed strands of Taekwoon’s hair off his face, taking a detailed look at the porcelain skin, like if it was the last time he will be able to (maybe it was supposed to be). He felt the warm breath coming from Taekwoon’s ajar lips, looking even softer than before, begging to be kissed; Wonshik imagined how would it feel: lean in closer, breathe in the other’s breath, slowly envelop Taekwoon’s bottom lip with his lips, wake him up with a light bite, feel the other’s tongue in his mouth, and do all the things with him that he could not.

No, he could not.

“You know, if you were awake… I would never admit this to you, now when Min-ji is around. I really want to be your boyfriend.” Wonshik brushed his fingers against Taekwoon’s, leaning in close. He turned his head as if he was about to kiss the other, only imagining the feeling from yesterday. It was like when he craved some sweets but he couldn’t get it, so he only imagined the taste in his mouth, on his tongue and lips, not really helping him with the unbearable craving.

Wonshik didn’t realize how close their faces were; a distant thump brought him back to reality, the one where he was more or less straight, and so was Taekwoon, who was going to propose to the love of his life.

He staggered down the stairs, surprised to find Jaehwan and Hongbin doing the dishes. They didn’t notice him at first, too busy in their own little bubble they created.

“Good morning,” Wonshik said, flopping down on the couch.

“Morning,” Jaehwan spoke for the both of them.

“How come you’re doing the dishes? I thought you finished the bet?” Wonshik asked.

“Well, _somebody_ forgot to close the window, and also _somebody_ snatched all the blankets to himself because I apparently ‘didn’t deserve them’,” Hongbin explained, making quotation marks with his fingers.

“You should’ve closed the window if it bothered you so much! Then you decided it was a good idea to hit me with a pillow to wake me up, _from my precious sleep_ , so of course I was forced to tackle you to the ground with one of the blankets,” Jaehwan continued, gesturing vigorously.

“So after that, I checked if anyone else is awake, but wasn’t so we just went here to clean up,” Hongbin finished.

“Well, that still doesn’t explain why you even started with cleaning up alone, but whatever, I’m too tired to care,” Wonshik sighed with a chuckle.

“Is Taek awake?” Hongbin asked after a while, waking up Wonshik from a half-slumber.

“No,” Wonshik answered, remembering what he said to the sleeping hyung, “I don’t think so.”

“Oh, I thought he’d be awake since Min-ji is coming today,” Hongbin said. Wonshik cringed internally at the thought.

“You’re right,” Jaehwan added, “This might sound weird, but am I the only one who finds it so strange that our Taekwoon is dating a girl?”

“Who else should he be dating, hyung,” Hongbin chuckled.

“No, that’s not what I meant! Seriously, Hongbin. I mean, he’s never had a girlfriend before, and now he does! It’s so weird to imagine it, in a sense, you know?” Jaehwan tried to explain, “But, I mean, Taekwoon could be dating Wonshik for all we know, right?” he told Hongbin jokingly serious, purposely turning away from Wonshik for comedy purposes.

“You’re stupid, Jae, what is going on inside that head of yours, seriously,” Wonshik tried his best to not stutter.

“You’re right hyung, would explain the giant hickey,” Hongbin added, receiving a throw pillow hitting him in the face.

“No, but seriously, isn’t it weird? Like it’s Taekwoon, with a girl, kissing her! He’s too pure!” Jaehwan tried to explain again.

“Yeah, okay, I admit it’s kinda odd,” Hongbin said.

“They grow up so fast, right!” Jaehwan jokingly wiped an imaginary tear off his cheek.

 

“Sanghyuk, _what the fuck!_ ” Hakyeon cried out, exiting their shared room in a fury, smashing the door into the wall. Everybody in the living room below turned around to look at the stairs, waiting for Hakyeon to make a dramatic entrance.

“It’s nothing abnormal! Don’t pretend you’re all innocent, I know you’re not!” Sanghyuk ran after Hakyeon, who was already going mad in the living room.

“Hyuk! Are you really this stupid! What the _fuck_ was that! Can you _not_ ? Or at least not when _I_ ’m in the room, you’re ruining my innocent sleep pattern!”

Sanghyuk started laughing, and Hakyeon soon followed him, receiving stares from Jaehwan, Hongbin and Wonshik. Few moments after, a sleepy Taekwoon appeared on the staircase, his hair a mess and his eyes still heavy with sleep.

“Can you please explain?” Hongbin asked, making the two of them realize they’re being watched.

“This _stupid ass_ was jacking off when I was sleeping,” Hakyeon shouted, pointing at the blushing and dying-with-laughter Sanghyuk.

“You say it like you never done that!”

“But not when a person is sleeping right below you! The bunk bed is not exactly muting all the movements, it’s like a fucking earthquake when you wake up. And you decide it’s the best time to jack off, at eight in the _fucking_ morning! Can _somebody, anybody_ suck his dick so he isn’t this horny, _please!_ ”

At this point, everybody, including Hakyeon and the sleepy Taekwoon, was laughing. On the other hand, it’s a wonder that this was the first time this happened. Or at least that this was the first time Hakyeon shouted at someone because of it.

“Ah, our Hyukkie is becoming a man!” Jaehwan said, putting his arm around his shoulders, pinching his cheek.

“See, Jaehwan gets it,” Sanghyuk told Hakyeon, pointing at Jaehwan who was looking like a proud mum.

“ _Yea_ \- don’t touch me with that hand, for the love of god, please and thank you,” Jaehwan pushed away from the younger.

“Don’t tell me you’re going to be cooking with that hand, ew,” Hakyeon said.

“Oh right, who is even cooking with me?”

“That would be me,” Wonshik confessed, not very happy with it.

 

“Everybody!” Jaehwan shouted into the building, already dressed up to leave, “We’re leaving in five minutes!”

“Thanks,” Taekwoon chuckled, standing behind him. He didn’t like to shout and Jaehwan knew he was little bit nervous because of Min-ji arriving.

Hongbin and Hakyeon didn’t bother too much with confirming that they had received the message, only shouting something unrecognizable from the top floor. Sanghyuk was preparing ingredients for the lunch in the kitchen, mumbling barely audible “have fun”, being too focused on the vegetables.

“Ah, I forgot my phone, I’ll be right back,” Taekwoon said, slipping out of his shoes and hurrying upstairs. He cautiously opened the door to his room, finding Wonshik looking through his bag.

“Aren’t you leaving to the train station?” he asked, glancing at Taekwoon.

“Yeah, in a minute. I need to prepare the things for the evening,” he said.

“Do you want me to help you with anything?” Wonshik asked, mainly out of courtesy.

“If you’re willing to help me, keep these sky lanterns somewhere she won’t find them,” Taekwoon said, handing Wonshik seven deflated white balloons and a lighter. Wonshik sat down on his bed, thinking where to put them. Taekwoon sat beside him.

“Sure, just let us know when you want us to light them up,” Wonshik said, playing with a small lighter.

“About that, the plan is that I will go for a walk with her and we’re going to return when the sun starts to set, then I will propose and the five of you will sit somewhere behind the pond and after we light up the lanterns, you will do too… Agh, does that make any sense?” Taekwoon explained, reenacting the event with hand gestures.

“Okay, I think I know what you mean. Don’t worry about it,” Wonshik reassured him with a smile.

“I have one last favour, uhh… Could you please keep the ring? I’m afraid I will lose it or that she will find it. Just leave the box somewhere I can easily find it before we get back from the walk in the evening,” Taekwoon said, nervously fiddling with the small box. Wonshik reached for it and placed on top of the deflated lanterns.

“I said, don’t worry, hyung,” Wonshik smiled at him again, and this time Taekwoon looked back at him.

“Thank you, I can’t believe you actually agreed to help me,” Taekwoon sighed, looking at the pattern on the duvet.

“It’s not like I can do anything else at this point, can I,” Wonshik sighed.

“The reason I actually came up here… I wanted to talk to you like this one last time before Min-ji arrives, I need to tell you that the fact that if Min-ji says yes tonight, it doesn’t have to mean this is over,” Taekwoon mumbled.

“Whatever _this_ is,” Wonshik chuckled.

“I have to go now,” Taekwoon said after a brief moment of silence and headed to the door.

“Wait,” Wonshik got up after him.

Taekwoon turned around, and as if he was reading Wonshik’s thoughts, closed the distance between them and kissed him. It did not last long, but it was like a reassurance they both needed at the moment.

 

Taekwoon explained the proposal to Hakyeon, Hongbin and Jaehwan on the way to the train station, receiving a couple of “awww”s and squeals, especially from Hakyeon.

“That’s so cute, hyung, Min-ji is really lucky,” Hongbin said.

“Ah, yeah,” Taekwoon blushed, “I want it to be perfect.”

The ride was longer than they expected, even without the minutes they wasted by getting lost in the streets. By the time Jaehwan finally stopped the vehicle in the parking lot behind the train station, they were all annoyed from the heat they were exposed to in the small greenhouse of a car, thirsty for anything that wasn’t the questionable liquid in the bottle that Jaehwan kept in the trunk, and about ten minutes late.

Taekwoon got a message from Min-ji that she was waiting in front of the ticket office, and that’s also where they found her. After the four of them found the area, Taekwoon quickly ran up to her and embraced her in a tight hug. She was beautiful as always, in a simple white top with black shorts with pink flowers that matched her hair. The others, including her boyfriend, were dressed in simple shorts and tshirts, being put to fashion shame. Hakyeon would maybe try to argue that what he was wearing was put together on purpose, and Taekwoon would maybe say that he at least bothered to spray some cologne on himself, but they were still nothing compared to Min-ji’s glowing aura.

Taekwoon pulled back from the hug couple of moments later, placing a gentle kiss on Min-ji’s lips, his only thought being _Wonshik tastes better_.

“Ah, I missed you so much!” Min-ji giggled.

“I missed you too, the service was so terrible I had to send my texts eight times before they got through,” Taekwoon said, slowly letting go off her waist, his hand finding hers.

“Min-ji!” Jaehwan ran up to them, others following right after him, “It’s so good to see you! It was getting annoying how Taekwoon ran away every ten minutes to look for signal.” Min-ji laughed, punching Taekwoon jokingly in the shoulder.

“Hi everybody, I hope I’m not too much of a burden,” she greeted everyone, receiving greetings from Hakyeon and Hongbin as well.

“Before we head off, would you mind if we stopped for something cooling somewhere?” Taekwoon suggested to Min-ji, and all the men exhaled a unisono “yes, please” in absolute desperation and exhaustion.

“I second that, I actually saw a smoothie bar somewhere, can we please go there?”

Taekwoon couldn’t have said no to such offer.

It was somehow bittersweet to talk to Min-ji, to kiss her and act like everything was picture-perfect. It had often happened to him before, that when he tells a lie to someone, he connects with that lie so much that he believes it himself. And the same happened to his relationship with Min-ji, over the months spend together.

He would be sitting with her somewhere, in a cinema, on a date, or on their couch in their apartment, and he would somehow “wake up” and realize that Min-ji actually wasn’t the person he loved, that the feelings he felt towards her were just a theatrical scenery. He was an actor portraying a character in a play for and written by his parents, an actor whose acting was so good that he convinced himself that he is in fact the character himself. He was not Taekwoon who was attracted to men, he was Taekwoon who loved women and liked to flirt with them using his shyness. He was not Taekwoon who did what he wanted when he wanted, he was Taekwoon that obeyed his parents and lived to his mother’s words.

And talking to Min-ji was still somehow comforting. In the end, he didn’t have anything he could ruin after all this time. Min-ji was deeply in love with him and wouldn’t leave him, and Taekwoon would have to be stupid to let himself be caught even just thinking about somebody else.

It was a nice escape to have Min-ji in the same place as his friends were: He didn’t have to kiss her that often, and it also wasn’t likely that they would have sex, when five other guys were in the hearing range, one of them being Wonshik.

 _Ah, Wonshik, that will be a problem_. It wasn’t like he didn’t realize it the second he reserved plane tickets for himself and Min-ji, it just wasn’t something he wanted to think about often. It was only a question of an hour until he would find out how Wonshik will react to the two of them being close. Will he act like nothing is off, talking with Min-ji as Jaehwan or Hakyeon would, or would he purposely avoid her or even seek conflicts with her?

Would they try to spend as much time as possible next to each other, trying to steal kisses from each other when nobody is around? Or would they completely avoid each other, just to not tempt themselves?

_What does even Wonshik think about our “relationship”? Does he even accept my feelings and puts effort into making their relationship stable? Or does he just want to bottle up his feelings and deny them, like I did with my feelings for him two years ago?_

“Taekwoon, are you zoning out again?” Jaehwan’s voice brought him back to reality.

“Uhh, no, I’m not,” Taekwoon lied, even though everyone knew he was zoning out. They were already sat in the van, only few minutes away from the cabin. He and Min-ji sat in the back, as he noticed when he looked for the owner of the palm he was holding for the whole ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm SO sorry for late update, i spent the whole day working on voodoo doll cover actually.  
> but i hope you liked this. yea.  
> although this is the 5th chapter, there's not much plot left actually, but i remember being stuck on this place for literally ages. await the next update on wednesday! (this time i will be on time, i promise (a reference to the song quote at the beginning? who knows)) also, thanks again for all your comments!


	6. use me while you can

> _I can give it all to you, will you take it all from me_  
>  If love is a joke, then use me ruthlessly  
> Now you know, all you need is me  
> I’m your toy

“Now. A play. Starring Lee Jaehwan and Lee Hongbin. Begins,” Woshik announced like a TV presenter. Hakyeon suggested that the two actors should show them part of their play, mainly because of Jaehwan’s shyness. They sat on the benches around the fireplace, but put a foldable table and two chairs as props for the play.

Jaehwan nervously sat down, calming down his smile so he could focus on acting. Hongbin sat across the table, eyeing their lines in the script that lay on the table.

“Don’t laugh!” Jaehwan shouted at Sanghyuk who was desperately holding his laugh, his face whole red. It took them both few moments to calm down.

“What is plan B?” Hongbin said, already in character.

“Chi-Ang,” Jaehwan started, getting on his knee, “I- Stop looking at me like that!”

“How am I looking at you?!”

“With that- that face!”

“That’s my face!”

“You look like a chipmunk!”

“Oi, kids, Hongbin, stop being a chipmunk, Jaehwan, stop… I don’t know, whatever you’re doing,” Hakyeon scolded them.

“What is the play about, again?” Min-ji whispered to Taekwoon.

“I’m not sure, Hakyeon said something about a rom-com, but I don’t think ‘Chi-Ang’ is supposed to be girl, so I have no idea,” Taekwoon responded.

“Wait, so is it…? Are they-” Min-ji whispered, but was interrupted.

“Shh! Manners!” Wonshik, who sat next to Min-ji, jokingly scolded them. They turned their attention back to their friends.

“Chi-Ang,” Jaehwan repeated his actions, getting down on his knee, “...If there were two guys on the moon and one of them killed the other with a rock would that be fucked up or what?”

“ _I’m_ going to hit you with a rock, oh god,” Hongbin sighed. Jaehwan only flopped down on the grass with a loud groan.

“It’s hard!” he sighed, muffled by the grass invading his mouth.

“If _this_ is hard then how are you going to do _the rest_ of the play!” Hongbin laughed.

“Agghh, I don’t know,” Jaehwan sat up and tore the grass between his legs like a kindergartener.

“Okay, this is ridiculous, just say ‘will you marry me’ enough times until you become comfortable with the phrase!” Hakyeon advised.

“Alright. Will. You. Marry? Me?” Jaehwan stuttered out wanna-be seriously, looking into Hongbin’s eyes, who was trying not to laugh.

“No, you ass,” Hongbin swatted Jaehwan’s face away jokingly. Jaehwan let out a frustrated groan.

After some time they spent watching the two men practice, Wonshik felt cold fingers make contact with his, in a way that could have not been accidental. His arm was draped over the back of the bench, right behind Min-ji, which was a place where Taekwoon decided to put his arm as well, after realizing how sweaty his palm became when he had it placed on the shoulder of his girlfriend.

But no, this definitely was not an accidental touch. He felt the other’s fingers graze across his, ever so softly that it felt like he didn’t touch him at all, like asking for permission. He didn’t react at first, but then Taekwoon repeated the move, this time more vigorous, grazing the tips of his index and middle finger across his knuckles and lightly tapping on them. Wonshik pressed the back of his hand towards the other’s hand, eventually brushing his fingers against Taekwoon’s and tangling them together, as well as it was possible to do so in such position. Wonshik glanced over to look at him, but Taekwoon looked back at him only when he had already turned away, being seen in the corner of Wonshik’s eye.

No, Taekwoon was not giving up on him. They will figure this out.

 

Eventually, the evening came around, and Taekwoon found himself pressed against the door of his room by his roommate. Wonshik had told him that he _needs_ to borrow him his repellent before he goes for a walk with Min-ji, and even though Taekwoon knew that Wonshik didn’t pack it with him so he was most definitely lying, he didn’t expect him to shove his tongue down his throat right away. _Maybe like after five second would be acceptable._

 _How many goodbye kisses are we gonna share?_ Taekwoon thought, not that he was complaining, though. He would prefer them to never be goodbye.

“Don’t get too excited,” Taekwoon pulled away for a fraction of a second, but Wonshik continued as if he didn’t hear.

Eventually, Wonshik slowed down as well, pulling away and resting his forehead on the latter.

“The ring is on the windowsill,” said Wonshik, his voice louder than it should be in such proximity to the latter.

“Thank you,” Taekwoon whispered against Wonshik lips, but was interrupted by him stealing another kiss, not wanting to hear more.

Taekwoon eventually walked out of the shared room to find Min-ji on the couch, talking to Sanghyuk and Hongbin. He approached her from behind, surprising her with a swift kiss on her cheek.

“What are you talking about?” he asked, hands placed on his girlfriend’s shoulders.

“Sanghyuk and Hongbin were talking about their studies, I can’t believe they are actually motivated to attend summer classes,” Min-ji giggled, her gaze alternating between the two students and Taekwoon.

“Yeah, they’re weird,” Taekwoon chuckled, receiving a unpleasant groan from the both of them, “Are you ready for the walk? I want to show you few places in the forest, it’s beautiful.”

“Ah yes, let’s go!” Min-ji merrily got up and took Taekwoon’s hand in hers, reaching across the couch. Taekwoon brought her closer and she stood up on the couch as if to step over it, but Taekwoon didn’t wait for her to consider the situation and clumsily lifted her up in his arms, carrying her over to the opened door. They received a couple of laughs, but also one loud “aww” from Hakyeon who just happened to be entering the building.

 

“Taekwoon,” Min-ji interrupted the comfortable silence as they sat on the shore of a stream, “What was your life like before I met you?”

“What? What do you mean?” Taekwoon asked, confused.

“I mean,” Min-ji looked at her feet, hanging from the small wall above the water, “All of your very close friends live so far away, and you grew up with them, so what happened that you meet only once a year?” When Taekwoon didn’t answer right away, she continued, her voice calm like the evening air. “You really seem to care about them, and you act like if they were your family and… I don’t think I’ve seen you this happy in a long time. So… What happened?”

“It’s… Really complicated,” Taekwoon muttered, hanging his head down, “Just what brought you to it?”

“Ah, nothing, just seeing you like this with them, as I said. Okay, whatever, I might as well say it. I met your parents yesterday evening. They invited me for a cup of tea and started asking about our relationship, which would I find normal, but your mum also started saying some weird stuff, like if she was trying to hint on a subject she didn’t know whether I’m familiar with?”

“Oh,” Taekwoon said, barely audible. Though Min-ji had asked the similar question previously two or three times, she had never asked with that much seriousness, and quite frankly, Taekwoon had never had more troubles with answering.

He didn’t want to lie - that just wasn’t something Taekwoon would risc - but he also couldn’t say that he was basically expelled by his own parents because of some stupid thing like love. From the previous occasions when Min-ji met his parents, they had always went on well, as if nothing had happened. Would she even believe him that he was kicked out?

“I haven’t done anything wrong, but I don’t think you would be happy if you heard the full story,” Taekwoon sighed. Although, somewhere in the corners of his mind, there was the voice of his mother - not even what she had actually said, but things he just knew she at least thought - and it told him that he had done everything wrong.

_My son is a disgusting *ag. Worthless._

“Taek, I realize it is hard for you, but if… If we’re going to stay together like this,” Min-ji reached for his hand, “I want to know about your life. And maybe help you carry that burden. So even though you might not be ready to share the full story, just take it step by step. And… I won’t judge you for anything. I already love you, I can’t just stop loving you for something you’ve done a long time ago.”

Taekwoon sighed, looking at Min-ji. She didn’t deserve this. But neither did Wonshik.

Taking a deep breath, he mentally kicked himself to say it. If he plans to propose to her the very evening, he might as well tell the heaviest part first, right? Well, the second heaviest.

“My parents kicked me out,” he eventually said, looking back at his feet.

“Oh,” Min-ji gasped quietly, not wanting to startle him.

“I can’t- I’m not ready to tell you more just yet, I’m sorry,” Taekwoon muttered right after.

Min-ji leaned over, kissing him on the cheek. He looked at her, confused, but also content.

“Thank you for understanding,” he said, “I love you.” He leaned in for another kiss, this time on the lips ( _Wonshik still tastes better_ ).

“One more question, though,” Min-ji got up, merrily, waiting for him to join her. Taekwoon looked at her with a faint smile on his lips. “Are… Hongbin and Jaehwan… ?”

Taekwoon laughed loudly, getting up as well, brushing off the dirt off his pants. “No, they aren’t together,” he said, “But I gotta tell them that you asked, I wanna see Hongbin’s reaction.”

 

It was perfect. It was like a fairy-tale scenery. The sun was already setting, painting the clouds the same color as Min-ji’s cheeks.

Taekwoon got on his knee, as he had seen it countless times that day, holding up the ring inside the small black velvet box.

“Will you marry me?”

Wonshik’s heart dropped upon seeing the couple in the alpenglow. But this wasn’t about him. It was about Min-ji, it was her dream and her choice.

“Yes.”

Min-ji cried out of happiness, Taekwoon only hugged her tighter so she wouldn’t see his face. This was his life now. Fiancée, fiancé.

Seven sky lanterns lit up as the first star appeared on the sky.

“As you know, it’s hard for me to let someone close to me, so I hope you will understand what I’m trying to say by this. I let you in my life, scared I will be hurt, because that’s just how I am, but eventually you became a star, as bright as the very few stars I had found in my life. And that means a lot to me. I guess… This is my own special way of saying how much I love you.”

And somewhere in his heart, he had felt that the last sentence was meant for somebody else.

 

Wonshik had thought that nobody had seen the tears in his eyes, but Hakyeon wasn’t blind. When they were going back to the cottage as it got colder and the pair had already went inside, Wonshik felt his hand on his shoulder. He glanced over to look at the other man, confused to see the empathetic look. _It’s okay to let it out._

Of course somebody had noticed. His best friend was going to get married and he was the only one without a smile on his face.

Of course Taekwoon had told Hakyeon about them.

 

The celebration went rather calmly. It consisted of mostly questions for the couple, asked mostly by Hakyeon and Jaehwan. Sanghyuk popped champagne, despite Min-ji’s reluctance to drink too much the night before an audition. As the midnight got closer, and a soft drumming of the rain got louder, Wonshik eventually realized that he might have drunk too much and decided - one of his last more or less sober decisions - to go to bed.

He staggered up the stairs and without much thinking crashed into the bed face-first. It might have been 1am when he was woken up with a firm hand shaking his shoulder. First he only groaned, to politely say “go fuck off right now or I’m seriously throwing you out through that window”, but then the shaking got more vigorous and accompanied with a voice.

“Wonshik, wake up, come on,” the voice said. _Not Taekwoon_ , he made an imaginary tick on his recognize-the-hyungs checklist. “Hey, Shikkie, wake up,” the voice said. Hakyeon. As his senses slowly picked up, he realized that everyone is probably getting ready to go to bed: various water-related sounds coming from the small shared bathroom, laughter echoing from various rooms and Jaehwan shouting somewhere in the background.

“What is it,” Wonshik muttered, lifting his head only a little to let the words be heard.

“Well, first, I bet Taekwoon would like to sleep in his assigned bed, so maybe scoot over there,” Hakyeon chuckled a little. Wonshik growled again, finally supporting himself on his elbows to see the older squatting next to the bed. He rolled off the comfortable warm duvet, made two steps and crashed onto his assigned bed in similar matter as he did that night already.

“And second is?” he asked, turning his head to the side so he could face Hakyeon, who sat down next to the bed.

“Taekwoon is not going to walk in here for some time, I thought I could talk to you for a bit,” said Hakyeon, smiling sleepily.

“Yea, it’s not like I’d like to have an uplifting conversation these days, right,” Wonshik muttered, sitting up when he saw the latter doing so.

“I’m sorry,” Hakyeon said reassuringly, “Do you think you could enlighten me a little bit into the situation?” Wonshik considered not telling Hakyeon for a moment, but then realized there is no reason to not tell him. He was used to venting, and Hakyeon always somehow knew what to do. What is more, he already most probably knows something from Taekwoon, so it won’t be as hard to explain.

“So… We made out and he kinda confessed to me but I’m not sure what to do, hell, I still haven’t thought about if I’m even… gay. It’s just all wrong timing, damn,” Wonshik explained. Two years ago, he was too scared of the mere thought of himself being gay and it was strange that it has never occurred to him that he could’ve been different when he was a teenager. But now, it was only a weird thought in the back of his mind that would accompany his denying and repressing of the possibility of liking Taekwoon.

“And you’re worried that it will be even more impossible to show your feelings after tonight?”

“...Yeah.”

“Well, to be honest, you should think about your feelings first, it would be unfair to wreck his relationship when you’re not even sure if you can be with him,” Hakyeon said.

“But what if I find out that I do wanna be with him? What if I’m just some kind of side affair for him and I will have to be sharing him with _her_?”

“Don’t stress over that, I think he would do everything to spend more time with you, he has the eyes, you know? I think… What you should be concerned about is the fact that your love eyes are not as invisible and that making out against the paper thin door is not as quiet as you might think it is.”

“What? … Do you think others have noticed something?”

“I don’t know, just make sure this won’t blow up. Taekwoon doesn’t deserve that,” Hakyeon pointed out, a strange annoyance apparent in his voice.

“I don’t want to hurt Taekwoon, hell, I don’t want to hurt Min-ji, but I… I really like him. I don’t know what to do,” Wonshik reasoned, but didn’t understand his own words. Everything was just _too much_. How likely was it even that this would end well?

“Wonshik. Get your shit together,” Hakyeon said emotionless, and left without further explanation.

“I don’t know what to do, Hakyeon,” Wonshik called after him, but his voice was not strong enough to reach the latter, breaking in the middle of the sentence. Why was Hakyeon suddenly acting like this? Why did the universe decide to turn against him and Taekwoon?

Was Taekwoon giving up on him?

_No, he said it’s not the end._

Did he lie just to make him feel better?

_No, he wouldn’t do that._

Was Wonshik now only an affair in Taekwoon’s eyes?

_“Is he like your little bitch now?”_

_No, no, no, oh god, please no._

Is this how Taekwoon felt back then?

As the first lighting bolt illuminated the room through the big french windows, and a deep crackling thunder echoed through the forest soon after, all three of them were already asleep in the little shared room.

 

×☂×

 

Wonshik sat up on the bed, woken up from a weird dream. It was still dark outside, but the room was illuminated by the moon shining through the french window. He looked around the room, but when his gaze fell on the second bed, there was only Min-ji, sleeping.

 _That’s weird_ , Wonshik thought. There was no noise coming from the bathroom or anywhere else in the building. There was, though, a yellow light coming from outside. He glanced out of the window, seeing that somebody is in the van, and that the somebody is Taekwoon.

He walked outside and headed to the van. On closer look, Taekwoon was looking at something in his hands, but he did notice Wonshik and smiled a little.

“Hey, what are you doing here,” Wonshik asked as he opened the heavy door and sat down on the seat next to Taekwoon.

“I was hoping you’d come,” he muttered in response.

“What, why?”

“I wanted to do this,” Taekwoon said but didn’t give Wonshik much time to think or even respond as he grabbed his neck and pulled him into a kiss.

It was like if it had happened in a time capsule, or in a computer sandbox - where neither of their actions faced consequences. Disconnected from the world where Taekwoon is cheating on his fianceé, where the very nature of their relationship is a taboo, where Taekwoon isn't a puppet on a string. Disconnected from all the hurt their actions brought. It was living for a moment. Hurt, regret, broken hearts - that were only the side effects of their relationship. In the _real_ world, it would be the key part, the basis of the two of them as a couple. But this wasn't the _real_ world.

Somewhere in the rational part of Wonshik's brain, he told himself that it is a dream. It wasn't; but how else should he justify kissing Taekwoon in Jaehwan's car?

Wonshik kissed back, tasting peppermint chewing gum. Taekwoon had planned this. He quickly became aware of his own, probably terrible, breath, but the thought went right out of the window when Taekwoon’s tongue invaded his mouth and let out a hot moan into his mouth.

Taekwoon’s other hand didn’t stay still as he ran it across the younger’s back, tracing his spine. Wonshik meanwhile reached across the space between them and used his strong arms to pull them closer so Taekwoon was now straddling him.

There was something exciting about making out like this. It was wrong, it was disgusting, even. It was a battle with time, what if Jaehwan suddenly had to check up on something and found them? Just the pure thought of being revealed was extremely arousing.

Wonshik moved his mouth to Taekwoon’s sharp jawline and started tracing a line of open mouthed kisses towards the latter’s collarbone. He pulled down the fabric of the tank top for better access, but Taekwoon quickly pulled it over his head instead, revealing the slight curvature of his abs. Wonshik dragged his palms across the sculpture-like body and let his teeth carefully graze his collarbone before he bit down on a part of skin that was like designed for a huge hickey.

“Make it somewhere not visible,” Taekwoon breathed out, his voice intoxicated by the way Wonshik pressed him down onto his lap.

“Nah,” Wonshik whispered into his skin. _This is what you get for making your hickey visible._

Taekwoon soon connected their mouths again and ran his hands under the thin fabric of Wonshik’s t-shirt, moaning as a sign of approval of what he touched. As he felt his pants become unbearably uncomfortable, he pressed down onto Wonshik’s lap, looking for friction. Wonshik pressed back as much as his position allowed him to and sucked on Taekwoon’s bottom lip.

 

“Fuck, stop teasing,” Taekwoon almost whined, “f-fuck me.”

 

×☂×

 

“Min-ji, Taek, get up,” a gentle voice woke up the young couple. It was not even 7a.m., time they decided to wake up so they would have enough time to get to the train station, and Jaehwan was sitting on the edge of the bed, shaking - probably and hopefully - Taekwoon’s leg hidden under the blanket. It was unusually cold and Jaehwan was even wearing jeans and long sleeved shirt instead of shorts and a top made from a material as thin as possible.

Taekwoon stirred in his sleep, waking up Min-ji with the movement. She looked around, confused by her surroundings, as it always happens after waking up in unfamiliar places. Taekwoon woke up shortly after, giving Jaehwan a “light” kick.

“Whatimesit…?” Min-ji asked, but repeated the question after clearing her throat, “What time is it?”

“It’s gonna be seven in a bit,” Jaehwan said, “Have you slept well? I couldn’t, I stayed up with Hyukkie and we played cards.”

“Taekwoonnie fell asleep almost immediately,” Min-ji poked her boyfriend, “It took me a while. The thunder was so loud!”

“Ah, I’m glad you got at least some sleep,” Jaehwan said with a mother-like interest, “Unfortunately, I have bad news. Turns out that the only road we can drive through is fucked up with fallen trees. We can’t drive until they are removed.”

“What?!” Min-ji immediately sat up, picking up her phone so she could excuse herself from the schedule, but then she realized that there is barely any service and desperately hit the blanket with her phone. Taekwoon stayed silent, placing his palm on Min-ji’s shoulder as to comfort her.

“I’m really sorry,” Jaehwan apologized, “Maybe we could climb up the hill to get some service for your phone so you could at least let someone know. I know your schedule is important for you.”

“Is there any way we could just walk to the station?”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” Taekwoon joined the conversation, “There was once a storm like this and it took us over three hours to get to the town because of the giant puddles and all.” They all remember that day. It was the day when they also ran out of water to drink so they had to power walk through the mud to get to the town. They got some concerned looks in the supermarket as they left dirty footprints literally everywhere, not to mention that it took them even longer to return, now when each one of them carried two bottles of water.

Min-ji let out another desperate sigh. Hopefully she can explain to the company she auditions for the situation and give her second chance.

 

The day, Monday, went by rather slowly. After Min-ji finally managed to call the company - Sanghyuk showed her how and where to get the best signal she could - they all just stayed inside, enjoying each other’s company and of course another performance by the aspiring actors.

This time, Wonshik actually gave up on trying to steal a glance from Taekwoon. After the previous night’s Hakyeon’s words, he realized he needs to stop using Taekwoon’s feelings against him. Hakyeon was right, Taekwoon had got a growing relationship now. All the times he recklessly fell for him, more and more, with each kiss and each glance, all of that was only selfish love, taking Taekwoon all to himself and not willing to let anyone else to do the same thing.

Taekwoon, on the other hand, was going crazy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> late update again. sigh.  
> yeah, the school had started and i sort of forgot. whoops. but it's still wednesday where i live! so i'm not That late, right?  
> there is not even 1/4 of the story left! are you excited or worried? ~~  
> thank you for all your comments again!


	7. let's not fall in love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woah i actually updated Not As Late. enjoy!  
> (also, please don't skip the end notes - this time, i have some things to say about the plot and mostly the kenbin fans will appreciate it)

 

> _Let’s not make promises, you never know when tomorrow comes_  
>  _But I really mean it when I say I like you_
> 
> _Don’t ask me anything_  
>  _I can’t give you an answer_  
>  _~~We’re so happy as we are right now~~_

They decided that Min-ji would stay with them until Thursday, even though the road would most likely be clear earlier. There was something about her that made all of them unanimously agree that she should stay as long as she can. Well, unanimously.

After some time, Taekwoon and Wonshik started properly talking with each other. And once they did, they never stopped. When the group went on a walk, the two of them always fell behind and talked. It wasn’t about their relationship, hell, they avoided basically any theme about themselves. They just talked nothings, unimportant things, and they didn’t even know what about; they just did. It was like the friendship became even stronger after what happened.

Taekwoon found himself wondering about what would happen if he reached for his hand, or if he allowed himself to stare into his eyes for a moment longer. He had eventually done both, and when it went unnoticed, he reached for his hand again after some time, when he realized that the others are probably too eager to reach their goal and probably won’t go back to wait for them.

Wonshik looked at their hands laced together, fighting back a smile so that it would become a rather saddened look. Then he glanced up and met Taekwoon’s gaze, his expression hard to read, as always.

When the older kissed him, he didn’t kiss back. That didn’t stop him, kissing Wonshik hard, determined to get a response. He gave in, eventually.

He would’ve always give in.

 

Like he gave in on the Tuesday morning, when they both stayed at cottage when the others went to check on the state the weir was in. They weren’t even settled on staying in, they just both happened to have an excuse to why they can’t go.

Sanghyuk maybe wasn’t the brightest one in the small group, but he surely could tell a _loud_ orgasmic scream when he heard one. _Is this what I get for jacking off in a shared room?_

He really couldn’t have found a better time to sprain his ankle than this, right?

He was just minding his own business, really. He just took a wrong step, just a minute away from the cottage, and had to limp back, leaving Hakyeon, Jaehwan, Hongbin and Min-ji on their own. When he didn’t see Wonshik or Taekwoon in the lounge, he went up to his own room to look for a bandage for his injury. Not finding anything even remotely close to a bandage in his nor Hakyeon’s bag, he was just about to open the door to Taekwoon’s room, when he heard it.

_“Wonshik!”_

Sanghyuk knew two things. A), that sure was an actual Taekwoon screaming his friend’s name. B), there was a can of bleach in the attic and a screwdriver that could probably pierce his ear drums should be somewhere as well. _Just in case._

_“Taekwoon!”_

Yep, there ~~comes~~ goes another.

“I’m not being paid enough for this shit,” he mumbled to himself, retreating back to his room and thinking about what Jaehwan actually meant by his concerns about the engaged couple.

 

“Taek…” Wonshik froze in the doorframe when he was about to walk out, looking somewhere Taekwoon couldn’t see.

“I’m cold, come back here,” the older said, cuddled under the blanket.

“Um… Taekwoon,” Wonshik mumbled again, visibly uncomfortable.

“What is it, a spider? Because I’m not dealing with that,” Taekwoon got up sleepily, dragging his blanket with him. He wrapped his arms around the younger’s torso like a koala, trying to gain some warmth.

And suddenly, he froze as well. His eyes fell on Sanghyuk _(Sanghyuk?! What the hell?!)_ , whose face was twisted in a weird combination of disgust, surprise, shock, panic and basically the whole spectrum of human emotion flashing in front of his eyes within five seconds.

“Um, I was just, um, my ankle, um…” Sanghyuk tried to explain while gripping a roll of ace bandage in his palm.

Taekwoon, full-on panic mode, let go of Wonshik’s torso and went to put on the closest article of clothing to cover himself with. Wonshik’s face went meanwhile a deep shade of red.

It was not only about Sanghyuk finding out about their relationship, it was Sanghyk finding out that they are both gay. (Gay? Was Wonshik gay? Was even Taekwoon gay?) And it was Sanghyuk finding out that Taekwoon is cheating on his fianceé.

“It’s not what it looks like…” Wonshik said, “I guess?” He knew how stupid of an excuse it is, but still found it better than just silence. It wasn’t better than silence.

Sanghyuk remained silent, but his expression said screamed “What the fuck! Do you think I’m absolutely fucking oblivious to the fact that you just _did it_ in my parents’ bed?”

“Or is it?” Wonshik muttered, lowering his gaze to his feet, like if he was looking for words to say.

“Does Hakyeon know?” Sanghyuk eventually asked after a brief silence.

“Yes, he does,” Taekwoon spoke up, sitting on the bed.

“Who else?”

“You, that’s all,” Taekwoon replied. It technically wasn’t true, considering his parents knew something as well, but he was not very fond of the idea talking about that.

“Okay,” Sanghyuk said, more to himself than to the couple. _Couple_.

 

Taekwoon and Min-ji spent the whole evening outside, just sitting on two garden armchairs and watching the sky. Hakyeon and Sanghyuk were meanwhile doing the dishes after dinner and Jaehwan and Hongbin were somewhere practicing their lines. It was quite a nice evening, it was warm enough for them to be wearing only shorts and short sleeves, but not too hot that they would have to hide themselves from the sun, even though the sky cleared out after a rather cloudy noon.

But Min-ji just _had_ to ask.

“Woonie,” she started, reaching over to put her hand over his.

“Hm,” the latter hummed, almost dozing off, his eyes closed.

“I can’t stop thinking about what you said about your parents,” Min-ji said. Her voice was quiet, meant only for him to hear it, and the tone was a mix of regret and something Taekwoon couldn’t exactly name, a hint of a question.

“I’m sorry for making you worry… As you can see, I’m not exactly on bad terms with them anymore,” Taekwoon replied. He wasn’t exactly fond of talking about this topic, especially after his relationship with Wonshik was compromised by Sanghyuk. On the other hand, there was no actual reason to not tell the truth. Well, as long as Min-ji wouldn’t pry too much.

“No, don’t apologize. We’re _we_ now, I want to help you carry any burden you have.” Min-ji’s words sounded prepared but Taekwoon knew they weren’t, her words just always automatically clicked together. Nothing like his. “As I said…” Min-ji smiled and glanced over to Taekwoon, who was now sitting with his head low, looking into the grass, “Anything you say won't make me stop loving you.”

“Alright,” Taekwoon said after a brief moment of silence, contemplating what he should leave out in the story. Taking a deep breath, he begun. “As you know, my parents have important business in the city and have many contacts, many people know them and the competition is also pretty huge. Then, one day, I got a call from my parents - I didn’t even got to speaking to them directly. They told me that one of my distant relatives, who was living quite near me in that time, told them that I’m seeing someone.” Taekwoon made a long pause, taking in all the courage he could ever get.

“What? Did they kick you out just because they didn’t like some girl you were seeing?” Min-ji interrupted, thinking that the other had already ended talking.

“A guy,” Taekwoon corrected her, almost whispering, “They thought I was seeing a guy. And didn’t want their business to be compromised by that.”

Min-ji stayed silent, searching for anything to say.

“That’s the whole story, yeah.” Taekwoon was hoping Min-ji wouldn’t ask too much questions, that was how much he was close to being found out. One question, and there would be no way how to not lie about his sexuality. His fianceé was tolerant, their relationship-wise, but that would certainly not be something she could just ignore.

“Oh,” a gasp escaped her mouth, “I guess… I can see their reasons for doing that. But it was still a shitty thing to do.”

“I met you because of it,” Taekwoon smiled through the shock of the reaction. (He actually never got to know that he misinterpreted Min-ji - she didn't mind the idea of being gay, she just knew the minds of homophobic people maybe too well.)

But in the end, it wouldn’t matter, anyways. Taekwoon was supposed to be deeply and terribly in love with Min-ji and make his parents proud and give them beautiful grandchildren. If he was to out himself, Min-ji’s positive or negative stance wouldn’t matter, he would be considered a cheater both ways. Which he was.

And deeply and terribly in love with Wonshik.

 

The other joined them later as well, when the sun had already started disappearing behind the horizon and the first stars were about to appear. They talked about simple things and it was better than any kind of therapy. They eventually got tired and one by one started to get up and go inside.

“I’m really excited to practice my lines with the rest of the cast, the play just makes me really happy,” Hongbin said when it was only him and Jaehwan left on the lawn, as the others had already went inside to get some sleep. Jaehwan turned his head to look at him, expecting to see a smirk indicating that he is planning to do a sarcastic comment, but seeing nothing but childish excitement. That was something quite rare to see, as it is usual with students or any other hard working people.

“I’m glad you’re liking it so far,” Jaehwan replied.

“What does your girlfriend think about _the parts_ , huh?” Hongbin teased him.

“She thinks it’s pretty funny idea, she even helped a little bit with the scenario,” he replied.

“So it’s not her, huh,” Hongbin muttered for himself, receiving a confused look from the latter.

“What?”

“Are you queer, Jaehwan?”

Jaehwan shot him a confused glare, his mouth trying to form words but failing.

“Wait, let me rephrase that, do you like me?” There were no bad intentions heard in Hongbin’s tone, but Jaehwan almost wished there were as his voice sounded intimidating. It was more like if he was being interviewed by a host that was too nosy.

“Uhm, I mean, of course I like you… ?” Jaehwan eventually managed to answer, looking to his side at the other man, but his eyes were aimed at the stars. Maybe he was afraid of the answer, or maybe he was just too confident about what is the answer going to be.

“Ah, not like that, I mean, do you like me more than as a friend?”

“Hongbin, I’m… I’m sorry… I never thought of you like that, I’m sorry if I sent you any wrong signals, I-” Jaehwan stuttered out, too afraid to look at Hongbin, gripping the grass like if it was the only thing holding him from falling to death. From all things, he would’ve never expected Hongbin to say something like this. How could he never notice anything? He was pretty sure he could read people easily, immediately recognizing any slight change in person’s acting, even if it was someone else’s relationship he was able to detect.

“No, that’s not it- don’t- don’t speak,” Hongbin tried to silence Jaehwan, “that’s not what I wanted to know.”

“Wha…” Jaehwan let out a strained sound, confused.

“I just… I just noticed that you don’t want to get physically close to me when we practice our parts, and wanted to know why. One of my theories was that you have a crush on me, yeah.”

“Oh,” Jaehwan gasped. From all possible outcomes, he didn’t expect this one. “I can assure you, I’m not trying to repress any feelings if that comforts you?”

“Then,” Hongbin sighed, “what is the problem?” Jaehwan knew that he doesn’t mean it in a bad way, but something about it just made him want to crawl in a small ball and cry. He is an actor, pretending should be his speciality. But for some reason, when it was about Hongbin, he couldn’t.

“I don’t know,” he said, almost a whimper. There was a brief moment of silence, but Jaehwan eventually spoke up again, his voice quieter, like if he was scared what could his words do. “I guess… I’ve been an actor for some time, and this was never a huge problem. But we’re really close and although I know it’s in the script, I’m afraid of crossing some kind of border.”

“So,” Hongbin said after processing the latter’s words, “let’s be closer. I mean, girls do this all the time.”

Jaehwan wasn’t exactly sure what he meant, but when he realized the younger is reaching for his hand, he understood. It was weird, for the first few moments, but he quickly got used to it.

They tried a kiss, too. Jaehwan had to tell him to close his eyes and that it will be him who will lean in. It was a very brief kiss and neither of them kissed back and it was pretty awkward as well. But they laughed it off when they pulled away, and everything was alright again.

It wasn’t a romantic relationship they had, but it was the kind of affection they had both needed - Hongbin who was glad that somebody is there to comfort him in his busy student life, and Jaehwan who needed to have somebody to care about him, now when his relationship with his girlfriend was in shambles. (He broke up with her eventually, and even though it was tough, in the end he knew that he could never be happy with such person she was; but Hongbin was still a nice reassurance when he would be struggling.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... that's it for kenbin! now, an explanation of why is their relationship only platonic:  
> to be honest, i hope there is someone out there with generally the same idea. me and my friends/betas had already discussed it few times so this isn't like a plot hole or anything (also, if you want to blame someone for kenbin not being a thing in the fic, it's not just my fault lmao). the idea is: when you have a smaller group of friends (6 ppl), it's not hard to imagine that there won't be many relationships going on within that one group. now, the group consists of only guys. what is the probability that more than one of them will be gay? to keep it real, it's actually quite unlikely that there will be more than one couple within that group, the probability gradually decreasing over the years. that kinda means that wontaek was the only couple i could make while keeping the plot real. and i Love kenbin So much it was actually painful to keep them platonic.  
> for those of you who are like me and Live for kenbin, i'm considering writing a sequel, where kenbin would be a thing (but the background plot + wontaek would be unspecified, again, to keep it real). is there anyone who would be interested in reading it? if you would read it, please comment below. i'd love to write it, i already have the ideas, but i'm also starting a leghty markson fic and the school is getting harder with each day, so yeah, give me some feedback on this, please.
> 
> TL;DR: kenbin is The Shit but it'd be bad for the plot. comment want a kenbin-centered sequel.
> 
> thanks again so much for comments and kudos!  
> (also, you probably noticed that the chapters are getting gradually shorter - there's actually not much left in the story, i will explain the upcoming updates in wednesday's update)


	8. if you feel the same way

 

 

> _Baby, I was young back then_  
>  _Baby, I was a coward back then_  
>  _I thought you’d always stay there_  
>  _I thought I could always reach you_

The thing was, Taekwoon, too, had no idea. He didn’t know how would he manage to sneak around with Wonshik so Min-ji wouldn’t notice. He didn’t have answers to any of Wonshik’s concerns, and as much as he wanted to, he didn’t know what exactly were Wonshik’s feelings towards him.

“We’re taking Min-ji to a bachelorette party,” Hakyeon announced on the Wednesday morning.

“You’re what exactly?” Taekwoon gasped, his gaze switching between Hakyeon and his fianceé.

“Bachelorette party,” Hakyeon repeated, “we’re gonna go to the town and go to the casino we always wanted to visit.”

“How can a bunch of guys organize a bachelorette party? What are you’re even going to do there? You can’t play anything,” Taekwoon said, suspiciously eyeing Jaehwan and Hongbin who wanted to go as well.

“Hey, that’s not your concern! I know how to have fun! We’re gonna hire a stripper for her, maybe order some tequila shots to go with his abs, nothing too serious!”

“What?” Taekwoon wanted to interfere, but Min-ji calmed him down with her hand on his back, stroking few times.

“Honey, it’s fine, don’t worry. Hakyeon just wants to have a girls night, now when he finally has the opportunity, right?”

“Ahh, what do you mean, Min-ji…” Hakyeon laughed, pretending to be hurt. Taekwoon looked at them suspiciously, but allowed them to go anyways. “We will bring her back before the midnight, don’t worry. Is there somebody who doesn’t want to go so he could humour Taekwoon here? Sanghyuk, will your leg live or do you want to stay?”

“No, it’s pretty fine now I’d say,” the youngest answered and glanced sideways, “but I heard Wonshik complain about a cough?”

“Oh no, did you? Do you want to stay so it wouldn’t get worse?” Hakyeon said in a motherly voice, turning to face him. Wonshik had to think fast, consider if he wants to stay the whole afternoon with Taekwoon or with Hakyeon. Wait, did Sanghyuk say that on purpose so he could stay? Because he surely doesn’t recall coughing.

It was a pretty sure choice that he made.

 

They had spent the afternoon playing board games - a rather small selection of those that can be played in two people - and occasional walks through the woods. There was really not much to do, but neither of them actually minded since it meant spending some time alone together.

They made just a simple dinner, consisting of pre-flavoured ramen and some leftovers and thinking about what could the rest of the group be doing at the time.

“I’d bet my phone that Hakyeon is now wasted and past the point of remembering what is happening,” Wonshik announced when he was doing the dishes. Taekwoon was sitting on the couch, playing some dumb game on his phone.

“I’d bet my job that he had already used his tongue on some poor soul, hopefully on no one we know, like last time,” he mumbled in response.

“Wait, try texting Hongbin what’s up,” Wonshik said from behind the sink.

“Alright, I’m typing… How is it going, is anyone not drunk, question mark?” Taekwoon said and let out a small laugh, the kind that made Wonshik fall even deeper.

“Did he respond anything yet?” the younger asked after a moment of comfortable silence.

He would have sworn that he heard a faint “no”, but suddenly there were two strong arms spinning him around and pushing him into the cupboard as he was kissed breathless. He realized maybe too late that his hands are dripping wet with the soap water when he used them to hold onto the older’s shoulders, but neither of them really minded.

Taekwoon angled his head to get better access into Wonshik’s mouth, his tongue exploring his mouth as if it was the first time. Being satisfied by the sound that the other produced, hot and wet he put his foot between Wonshik’s, pressing himself even closer into him, determined to get to hear more of the moans.

Although he didn’t expect it, he very much appreciated when he felt Wonshik’s hands slide down his torso and groped at his ass, pulling him in, looking for even the slightest friction. Taekwoon mirrored the action, but went further and lifted Wonshik off his feet and tried to carry him towards the couch. Halfway, his arms started giving up and he ended up crashing the latter’s back into the wall as to hold him in place. Wonshik let out a groan in response and grazed and his teeth against Taekwoon’s bottom lip in revenge, receiving a hot _hot_ moan.

Wonshik eventually landed on the couch with Taekwoon hovering over him. Few sloppy kisses later, there was a hand under his shirt, first only feeling his muscles, but then slowly getting lower, to the point where Taekwoon’s fingers were lifting the material of his pants. It was crystal clear that they were both equal with their _situations_.

“Wait,” Wonshik pulled away from the kiss when he felt the latter’s hand on his underwear. Taekwoon stopped in his tracks but didn’t pull away completely. If Wonshik were honest at this point, he would have admitted that he had no idea what is he doing, the words just coming to him from nowhere.

“You want,” Taekwoon breathed out against his lips, eyes still closed, “you want me to stop?” Wonshik looked at him and let the other bring their faces closer in an almost-kiss, Taekwoon’s nose brushing against his cheek.

“I just wanna make something clear,” Wonshik stuttered out. He wasn’t sure what exactly is he saying, but spoke anyways, letting out words that seemed to fit together into a sentence. “Are we… Fuck buddies now?” The sentence wasn’t what he imagined it to be, but he needed an answer - there was no point in getting hurt in a purely physical relationship.

“Yea, of course,” Taekwoon quickly replied, taking the case as closed and stealing Wonshik’s lips once again.

“Wait, stop,” Wonshik said when Taekwoon pulled away, confused why isn’t the younger kissing back.

“What’s wrong, babe?” Taekwoon asked in a husky voice resonating midair, placing his hands on his legs and stroking lightly to comfort him.

 _I have to say no_ , Wonshik thought but remained silent.

“The others won’t return until morning,” Taekwoon continued, pressing his palms onto Wonshik’s tights as if it made the fabric disappear. He resisted the urge to return his lips on the skin of the latter’s neck, his eyes instead glued to the sight of his reddened lips as if he was trying to memorize the curve of the cupid’s bow.

_If I let myself fall in love I can’t do it while sharing Taekwoon. I want him all for myself or not at all._

“C’mon babe,” Taekwoon muttered before he started tracing a line of open-mouthed kisses across Wonshik’s neck, his knee getting dangerously closer to grind against the latter’s crotch, “I want you so bad.”

“Stop, I- I don’t want to,” Wonshik finally managed, earning a startled look from the older, “I- I made up my mind, sorry.”

“Did I do something wrong?” Taekwoon was taken back, looking like a kicked puppy. He immediately put a respectable distance between themselves, bracing himself on his hands now placed on the couch, around Wonshik.

“No, you…” Wonshik started, not actually meaning his words - it was just an immediate reaction. Did Taekwoon do something wrong? Slowly, he managed to sit up on the couch without meeting the other’s eyes. He cleared his throat in attempt to sound much more confident than he actually was. “I don’t- I can’t live with being some kind of affair, a toy, to you. Sorry.” Wonshik managed to stand up without a stumble and quickly retreated to the staircase and to his room. Well, their room.

Taekwoon fell face first back down at the couch, perplexed. And trying to not think about his boner. But also perplexed.

Taekwoon cursed himself for agreeing with being “fuck buddies”. What was he thinking? It was a complete opposite to what he actually wanted to be to Wonshik.

_Ah, Wonshik. You fucked me up so bad._

He eventually climbed up the stairs and quietly sat down, leaning against the door to their room from the outside. It wasn’t meant as “he will have to leave eventually”, but as a way to be close to the other. It was the longest distance he could have put between the two of them that wouldn’t drive him absolutely crazy.

He forgot how much time has passed as he had been sitting there, but it had already gotten dark when he heard a voice from inside, from closer proximity than he would expect (what he didn’t know at that point was that Wonshik sat right opposite to him, leaning against the same door as him).

“You know, I know you’re sitting there.” Taekwoon almost hit the door with his elbow in shock from the sound, only then realizing he had already started to fall asleep.

“How,” Taekwoon asked, angling his head to the side as if it brought him closer.

“Kind of a wild guess, actually,” a small laugh vibrated through the thin door and Taekwoon smiled in response. Long pause.

“I’m sorry for what I said earlier,” Taekwoon said, even though he knew that an apology like that was worthless, “I would’ve agreed to anything at that point, really. I’m not sure what would my answer be if I gave it a thought at that moment, but it wouldn’t be that.”

Wonshik opened his mouth to answer, but didn’t come up with anything that would actually make sense, only a random ramble about emotions. He decided to leave it for himself.

“Two years back…” Taekwoon managed after few minutes of silence. It was strange how they could never actually be angry at each other. They would argue, but they would never just stop talking to each other. Especially now, when they both knew that they are both on the same boat. A boat in a middle of a storm, maybe lost and a little bit broken, but it was still the two of them.  “I never actually told you what happened back then.”

“Why?” Wonshik breathed out.

“I didn’t want to hurt you.” When he didn’t hear any response from behind the door, he continued. “But turns out, I was just being selfish. And it doesn’t really matter now.” He made a short pause, as if to prepare himself. “Do you remember how you met Jiyeon? The girl you dated back then?”

“Yeah,” Wonshik hummed, not very happy about the chosen topic, “You introduced her to me. She was some distant relative of yours.”

“Remember how we went to get lunch after you broke up? With Jaehwan and Hakyeon?”

“You left after few minutes.”

“My parents called me. Jiyeon told them what happened between you two, including… The stuff we decided to forget. So my parents kicked me out. I didn’t want you to blame yourself, also it looked like you’re going through something, so I didn’t tell you.”

They were both stuck on words, making long pauses between their sentences.

“I was certainly going through ‘something’,” Wonshik scoffed. Taekwoon seemed so ridiculous to him at the moment. But still, he somehow knew that Taekwoon had tried his best not to hurt anyone. Hell, he just didn’t want anyone to get hurt. He hadn’t hurt his parents by silently obliging their commands, so he put himself on the stake and took the blow, hoping that Wonshik won’t grieve - he did offer him one-way ticket so it was Wonshik’s choice. Taekwoon certainly never hurt Min-ji either and would never want to. And Wonshik was just in the middle of everything, with Taekwoon, the two of them eventually getting hurt the most. “I was… Hell, I still am, sort of questioning my feelings. I mean… Am I gay?” Wonshik surprised himself, it was the first time he said such sentence without stuttering. “So when our… skinship caused the breakup, I repressed it and didn’t got on the bus with you because I hoped it will just go away.” Taekwoon traced patterns in the wooden floor with his fingertips. “It didn’t. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. … Fuck,” Wonshik hit the door with the back of his head in desperation.

“So… What exactly do you want… us, to be?” Taekwoon asked after another moment.

“Not this,” Wonshik breathed out.

“You said you don’t want an affair, because… ?” Taekwoon insisted. Wonshik reluctantly bit his lip.

“Because I like you way too much for an affair,” he said eventually. He expected some kind of immediate response from the other, but it didn’t come until a long minute later.

“I think I might’ve fallen in love with you.”

It wasn’t exactly perfect setting, with a sunset and a ring and fireworks and cheering. It was a dirty wooden floor and tears and cautious confessions and fear of getting caught. It was by no means perfect, it wasn’t a fairytale, but it was the two of them and that was enough.

Wonshik slowly got up and reached for the door handle.

 

×☂×

 

“I will let Min-ji go if you promise me to stay with me this time.”

 

×☂×

 

“I love you, Taekwoon. Fuck, I love you so much.”

 

×☂×

 

“My boyfriend. My lover.”

 

×☂×

 

“No, stay here. The blankets get cold quickly.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a super short update! the upcoming updates won't be much longer, as the fic is almost done.
> 
> about the upcoming update...  
> I'M SEEING VIXX ON SATURDAY! i'm gonna be taking a 10 hour drive but it's worth it. (by any chance, is there anyone going there as well? it'd be interesting to meet up lmao)
> 
> that means, i'm not going to update on saturday. INSTEAD.
> 
> i turned 17 today! so as a birthday gift for you, i'm going to update the rest of the fic only hours apart.
> 
> await the next update in less than 10 hours!
> 
> (oh god i can't even focus on anything i'm so excited for the concert ahhh thanks for comments bye)


	9. maybe we'll find a brand new ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!! i updated two times in a row, be careful to not skip a chapter by accident !!

 

> _Take my hand, let's see where we wake up tomorrow_  
>  _Best laid plans sometimes are just a one night stand_  
>  _I'll be damned, Cupid's demanding back his arrow_  
>  _So let's get drunk on our tears_

Taekwoon woke up enveloped by a familiar source of warmth and safety and cuddled closer to it. He felt a firm hand move a little bit against the material of his t-shirt - his? Debatable. - and easily recognized it, putting his palm on the latter’s. He felt a warm breath tickle the back of his neck.

He slowly opened his eyes and … froze.

_Min-ji?_

“Morning, boys,” the girl smiled with no sign of sarcasm or mock, sitting cross legged on the other bed.

“What, wait, this isn’t, wait-” Taekwoon sat up immediately, waking up Wonshik who did the same, jumping off the bed only to realize that he isn’t wearing any shirt. For example, the one that Taekwoon is currently wearing. The one that has his name tag permanently sewn on. He eventually settled with throwing over a sweatshirt he found laying around, even though the material was really itchy on the bare skin.

“It’s my fault, Min-ji! I got him drunk and made him sleep here, I’m terrible, I-” Wonshik started making up a _very well thought-out excuse_ , but Min-ji interrupted him.

“It’s okay, Wonshik. Sanghyuk babbled it out yesterday, and… to be honest, it sort of clicked,” she said rather calmly, playing with the lace on her shorts, her gaze lost somewhere in the void. She was thinking of all the times Taekwoon was being mysterious - from the very start when he refused to tell her about his previous life, to when his parents confronted her about their relationship and hinted on his past, and all the times Taekwoon was texting Wonshik and being visibly more comfortable around his friends rather than her.

“I’m sorry,” Taekwoon said, sitting on the edge of the bed while Wonshik sat on the opposite, silent.

“So you’re sorry, huh… That’s all you can do to give me back two years of my life? I wasted two years worth of feelings on someone who used me just as a puppet for a stupid play for your ungrateful parents,” Min-ji looked up at the ceiling to prevent the tears from spilling.

“Go on, hit me,” Taekwoon almost whispered. He knew that when Min-ji got angry, she would let it out physically, throwing books on the floor and punching the marble kitchen counter. He didn’t want Wonshik to be the one that takes the blow, after all, he was the one trying to prevent it all from happening. “I deserve it.” Min-ji has never used another person as her target, but if there was anything she wanted to do more than to cry, it would probably be it.

Min-ji contemplated the offer at first, seeing Taekwoon stiffen and lift his shoulders ever so slightly to protect himself.

“I’m not going to hit you,” she eventually said, blinking her tears away. She wanted to scream, shout, tear the walls and burn the bed the two of them slept in; but none of it would make Taekwoon change his mind. All the things he had said to her - fake. She cannot make Taekwoon love her, not even remotely close to his love for Wonshik. She envied Wonshik for making Taekwoon feel what he said he felt when she was with him. She regretted the time she had spent with him instead of pursuing her career. She slowly got up, walking to her already packed luggage. “I’m leaving today anyways,” she said, pulling up the handle, “I already got the time to think about this so don’t take this as spontaneous decision. At this moment, I have every reason to hate you,” she shook her head slightly, blinking the tears away, “So please, please… give me a reason not to. As I said, I cannot just stop loving you. Give me a reason to forgive you.”

Neither of them said anything after that, Taekwoon’s mind already racing with possible ways to get Min-ji the life she deserved. They heard the main door click and an engine to start (it was a taxi she somehow called; everybody else was too hungover to give her a ride).

It was so surreal. Although the two of them both dreamed of a world where they can be together, it was so sudden that it really felt like a breakup for Taekwoon. It wasn’t only her two years, it was also Taekwoon’s. Both of them had lived a lie for two years and now it felt like being let out of a prison - they were both free now, but they had already accommodated to their lifestyles so it was hard to get back to the old tracks.

But she was gone now.

Wonshik felt bad for being relieved, for hating Min-ji. She never wanted to hurt anyone and she didn’t hurt anyone even when she was allowed to and had every right to.

Neither of them had done anything bad. Neither of them wanted the others to get hurt. So instead, they all hurt themselves.

 

Taekwoon and Wonshik sat in silence for couple of minutes, neither of them daring to look at the other, scared of what emotions they could find in the other’s eyes.

Hakyeon came into the room first, still in his pajamas, hair ruffled by the product he didn’t comb out before sleep. He sat down next to Taekwoon, stroking his back and muttering words of comfort. Even though they didn’t mean anything - Taekwoon had already known that he can be happy now, he can do whatever he wants to - just the fact that Hakyeon was there meant that he has his friends on his side.

Sanghyuk on the other hand talked to Wonshik and tried to get them both into a better mood. Obviously, by nothing else than by sharing his story about walking in on them to Hakyeon. Hakyeon then shared how once, they were making out so loudly against the door that he had to initiate a fake meeting with everyone downstairs just so he wouldn’t have to listen to them.

“Wait, if Sanghyuk spilled the beans on the party, then… doesn’t that mean that-” Wonshik managed, but was interrupted by a voice that was too loud for everyone present.

“I was right! You made fun of me and I was right! Remember kids, aunt Jaehwan is never wrong!” Jaehwan shouted at them, doing a little victory dance for himself. Both Hakyeon and Sanghyuk winced at the sudden noise.

“Wait, what do you mean ‘I was right’?” Wonshik interrogated him. Jaehwan landed on his back onto the free bed, waving his arms and legs as if he was doing a snow angel. He thought about Wonshik’s question for a while before he supported himself on his elbow, looking at the… new couple?

“Okay so there’s the time you actually thought that I won’t notice that someone had been having _a great time_ on the backseat of my van. Plus like the million times you made out. And I’m not even mentioning all the eye contacts and all that jazz,” Jaehwan listed out all of the evidence in rather calm voice, making Taekwoon blush and Wonshik wheeze.

“Taekwoon, why are we friends with him?” Wonshik said in a serious tone, shaking his head, “Where is Hongbin, anyways?”

“Puking out his breakfast,” Jaehwan responded casually, almost disinterested in the topic, his eyes glued on the two of them, “Did you just refer to you and Taekwoon as ‘we’? Holy shit that’s cute.” Jaehwan found the new couple much more interesting. Suddenly, they heard footsteps approach the room.

“I cannot believe I’m the only one who didn’t know!” Hongbin stormed in, “I found out this morning! Two hours ago! Why does no one ever tell me anything!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this isn't the end! there will be another update within the next 12 hours!


	10. miniepisode

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is kinda like a miniepisode before the very last chapter, it's not really important for the plot but i once came up with an.... interesting thought and couldn't help to not put it in lmao enjoy (also this isn't a regular update, i'm updating the third time in a row, be careful to not skip any chapters)

**_~* Miniepisode because I apparently Have No Shame *~_ **

**_disclaimer: i have honestly no fucking idea what am I doing pls i’m smol i swear_ **

“So, Min-ji,” Hakyeon spoke to the girl standing with them in a circle in front of a huge swing door, “Since we’ve already done two things on our bachelorette party bucket list, ditching your fiancé and getting unforgivably wasted, there’s still one thing we _have_ to do.” Hakyeon paused to let out a high pitched hiccup.

“Hyung, the only one unforgivably wasted is you, and I feel like you kinda ditched Taekwoon more than Min-ji, if it can even be measured,” Sanghyuk bumped into Hakyeon, not really sober as well, “But go on.”

“Sh--- Shut up,” Hakyeon gave him a neck chop, “What I’m trying to say… Naked guys!” He turned around and made a dramatic entrance into the hall with one big stage and few smaller ones, made for private shows.

“Oh no,” Jaehwan, sober enough, sighed. There was just something about Hakyeon in a male strip club that made him cringe, maybe not even the fact that his hyung would enjoy it far too much for a _straight_ (Jaehwan made a small note in his head, adding three question marks next to the word hetero) guy, but that he will most likely have to face constant “Isn’t that one handsome? I mean, I know, ho homo, but like objectively speaking? Look at his muscles. Is that even possible? He looks like an idol. Try telling me his abs don’t look lickable. I mean, objectively speaking. Right?”

Jaehwan laughs a little at how accurate his prognosis was when he hears Hakyeon say “Min-ji! Dibs on the dope policeman,” but he’s already being dragged to one of the private stages.

They did order the policeman to make a performance for them Min-ji, but that’s when it actually got downhill.

The performance was actually good, _objectively speaking_ , and nothing really went wrong _until it did_. It was when the top part of the policeman’s uniform was discarded and Hakyeon, being who he is, realized there is a possibility to pay for “something extra”.

“Look, Min-ji! You can actually order a can of whipped cream for the performance! I know, I know, I invited you, I will pay for it!” Hakyeon announced, not giving Min-ji any other options.

The stripper took the spray can, first spraying a little bit into his mouth and then approaching each one of them and offering them as well.

“What’s your name, babe,” he shouted, getting on his slightly spread knees.

“Min-ji!”

“Hakyeon!”

Min-ji and Hakyeon looked at each other, both confused and surprised, but the stripper didn’t even flinch. He chuckled a little for himself and then wrote Hakyeon’s name _(A/N: 학연)_ across his abs with the whipped cream. The whole squad, including Hakyeon, both cheered and laughed at the same time. Policeman winked at Hakyeon, pointing at the lettering, beckoning him to come closer. Hakyeon finished his drink in one swift motion and stood up, glancing at his friends.

“Lick it!” Hongbin surprised himself shouting, receiving a neck chop from Jaehwan.

“Should I? Should I really?” Hakyeon pretended to ask but he was already leaning towards the stage.

“No, Hakyeon!”

“Do it!”

“Is that even allowed?!”

“I mean, if you’re really making me do this… I can believe you’re making me do this! You guys… !”

Hakyeon leaned in fully, licking off the top part of the whipped cream from the symbols _ng_ and _yeo (A/N:ㅇㅕ)_.

“He’s lil’ gay, y’know,” Sanghyuk told Min-ji who was watching the performance half entertained half weirded out, “Three gay guys in one squad! Is that even possible?” Sanghyuk drunkenly babbled, receiving a confused stare from Min-ji, “Min… Jimin… Ji! Do you think Wonshik is Taekwoon’s first? I mean, he doesn’t sound inexperienced if you get me… Do you think Hakye and Taek practiced? I mean kissing! Is Taekwoon a good kisser?”

“Wait, what?” Min-ji asked, suddenly serious and sober.

“Hey! Table four! Calm down with that, alright!” a strong authoritative voice came from behind them - a staff member. Hakyeon pulled away immediately, tucking two banknotes behind the policeman’s belt and then finally sitting down.

“What I’m saying is, Taekwoon would like to invite you into a threesome. I mean, I’m offended he didn’t offer me, but I’m not into guys, y’know? So like that would leave only Hakyeon, and he already got busy here with this dude.”

“Please bring us body tequila shots!” Hakyeon shouted at the waitress and Min-ji never wanted to get more wasted.

  
Hakyeon emptied his pockets on the backseat, hurriedly looking for the parking ticket that _should be somewhere_. Instead, he found a formal looking business card that read, in bold letters “Jeon Jeongguk, male escort, social companion”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no idea as well. i was just really bored and came up with this idk i'm sorry
> 
> BTW I'M LEAVING IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS GUYS I'M SO EXCITED but also really nervous oh god this is my first concert ever oh god
> 
> also the last chapter will be posted in 11 hours (yes i post these while getting ready for school)


	11. ask you to forgive me for my sins, oh would you please?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the very last chapter.  
> (this is not a regular update, be careful to not skip any chapters before this!)

> ___Remember, do you remember back then?_   
>  _The night it rained_   
>  _When we cried all day?_   
>  _Remember, do you remember afterwards?_   
>  _The clear morning after the rain_   
>  _We were in love but we let each other go_

Taekwoon shut the car door with his elbow, carrying a huge cardboard box, filled with paper files and few picture frames on top, into the apartment building in front of him. He walked into the elevator that was already waiting for him, pressed the very top button and inserted a code into a small lock on the panel with buttons. The elevator announced that it has reached the destination after a few moments and Taekwoon got out.

“This should be the last one,” he announced, walking further into the penthouse apartment. Wonshik got up from the floor where he sat surrounded by other boxes, putting his arms around the box and looking inside.

“Oh, these are the pictures from my bedside table! I almost started worrying they got lost,” Wonshik said, taking the box to the couch. Taekwoon took one of the pictures on top and looked at it closely.

“You framed the other one,” he said, smiling at the picture of the six of them, “The better one.”

“Of course I did,” Wonshik approached him, putting his hands on Taekwoon’s arms and closing the space between them, “It’s a tradition.” He pressed a soft kiss on his boyfriend’s lips, the picture forgotten in Taekwoon’s hands.

Suddenly, something soft nudged Taekwoon’s foot and then stepped on Wonshik’s and then on Taekwoon’s again. They both looked down and chuckled.

“Leo, go away,” Wonshik said, looking at how the black and white kitten wanders clumsily between their legs, rubbing its neck on their ankles and meowing quietly. The kitten was offered to them as a welcome gift from the landlord, an animal lover, whose wife didn’t want to allow any more cats so they started offering the new born kittens to everyone.

“I found something between my things, I wanna show you,” Taekwoon eventually pulled away when the kisses started to deepen.

They climbed on the roof and Taekwoon revealed one last sky lantern.

“I thought… We could have one just for ourselves,” he said, fumbling with the lighter. The candle lit up quickly so they held the lantern in the right position together, waiting for the flame to heat up the air enough for the lantern to start lifting itself.

One single light flew up, joining all the other stars that started to show up on the night sky.

This. This was perfect.

 

Min-ji did come back after they broke up, but she wasn’t angry at Taekwoon anymore.

“So this is the three year contract with Jellyfish ent., and this is my father’s cheque,” Taekwoon said, handing over two envelopes.

“So it’s a gift from your parents as you said in the emails? I still can’t really understand why are they doing this,” Min-ji fumbled with the papers.

“Well I told them that we’re worried about money for our ‘wedding’ because you don’t have a stable job, so they pulled some strings and this is it…” Min-ji visibly relaxed, finding out she doesn’t have to pretend anything. “And this is basically all the info for the penthouse.” Taekwoon handed over a sheet of paper.

“Wait, I thought I don’t have to actually live with you,” Min-ji protested.

“That’s just for emergency cases, don’t worry. My parents don’t have the time to visit much anyways,” Taekwoon assured her. They both got up and walked to the door of Taekwoon’s huge office.

“Where is he?” Taekwoon asked, looking into the corridor.

“His schedule is packed, he had to go right after I arrived,” Min-ji explained, “You know… He is really grateful to you. If it wasn’t for you, he could’ve lost his job.” Min-ji’s boyfriend was accused of being in a relationship with her and threatened by the company that he would lose his job, but luckily, Min-ji proved them wrong by saying that she is already engaged to somebody else and that she isn’t dating the idol, as the rumors said.

“That’s nothing, really. It was the smallest thing I could’ve done, really. If it helps to repay my deeds even a little, it’s my pleasure.”

“What about you and Wonshik? Everything good?”

“Yeah. We can now finally move in together. And I have it closer to Hakyeon and others.”

“So your parents don’t have a clue?”

“It’s still sneaking around, but the penthouse has an extra room so I can always say he’s just my roommate.”

“I’m sorry for asking but… What if they found out again?”

“I’m over that now. Wonshik’s YouTube channel started taking off and I have some savings as well and if they told me to move, I wouldn’t listen this time.”

 

> _I put my heart into your hands_   
>  _Learn the lessons you teach_   
>  _No matter when, wherever I am_   
>  _You're not hard to reach_   
>  _And you've given me the best gift_   
>  _That I've ever known_   
>  _You give me purpose everyday_   
>  _You give me purpose in every way_

 

Min-ji actually moved some of her things to Wonshik’s and Taekwoon’s penthouse just for the parents to think she spends time there, but at first she only went there rarely. On one of her visits, she announced that she is expecting a baby. Even though the couple never asked who is the father, they eventually found out when Min-ji brought him with her. The four of them never felt envy or dislike towards each other and even became very good friends, and on few occasions, Wonshik and Taekwoon got to babysit the little one.

But never as good friends as Taekwoon and Wonshik were with Hakyeon, Jaehwan, Hongbin and Sanghyuk. Hakyeon, whose dance school took off really well and he became well known between the best korean dancers. Jaehwan, who became a movie actor. Hongbin, who was casted more and more, even getting a short cameo alongside Jaehwan, but also who stayed loyal to photography and presented his pictures in Seoul’s galleries. Sanghyuk, who attended Hakyeon’s dance school and got accepted as a backup dancer in Jellyfish ent.

Eventually, Taekwoon and Wonshik did run away. But that time, it was from their own will, to the States. They finally got married. Though, they couldn’t stay for too long, missing their friends way too much, and got back to Korea. Right back to the old cabin, where they got a proper wedding and finally were happy.

 

_The End._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so this is it!
> 
> oh man. this was a journey, wasn't it?
> 
> i'm aware that my writing may not comparable with most of the fic writers on ao3, but i'm glad i finally wrote something lenghtier and actually finished it. i hope you enjoyed at least a lil bit. also i hope you liked the lyrics in every chapter, i didn't really plan any of them but some of the lyrics just fit so well...
> 
> i'm still considering writing the kenbin sequel, but so far i haven't gotten much encouragements to actually write it, so i'm still unsure about it. i'm also thinking of doing a markson/jjp/yugbam fic but since the school started i don't have much chill time to think about plot and stuff, so i can't promise anything.
> 
> so.... thank you all again for reading! if you have anything in mind about the story, please comment, i'd love to hear your thoughts. also i probably forgot to explain some stuff so don't hesitate to ask lmao
> 
> see you in comments and maybe in a next story!~~


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